Spiral Musings
by Nitramy
Summary: Where all my ideas regarding Naruto gestate and grow. Feel free to make use of them if you think you can give these ideas a better home than I can.
1. Introduction and Table of Contents

Hello there. You may want to know what's happening with my stories - they're being tended to. If anything untoward happens to me, though, the ideas for my stories are up for grabs.

Maybe that's why I'm beginning to catalog my list of story ideas here, as some of you may pick up and continue these where I've left off. Some require little world building; just put character A in character B's situation, problem solved.

Some ideas require a bit more effort than that, though...

...but I've rambled on enough. You wanted story ideas? You got them. However, there are a few stipulations you should follow.

One - no unnecessary bashing. i.e. in "From the Files of ANBU Squad", we'll see a lot of Kakashi bashing, but it's part of the story, because he's supposed to be playing **Nordberg.** If you're going to bash a character, make it believable and necessary to the plot. No bashing for bashing's sake.

Two - no harems (except if the circumstances call for it - also, read the third stipulation and double the effort you put into it. Also try to include other dynamics for the haremettes to make their characters more interesting).

Three - If you'll do shipping, take the extra effort to make the romance believable. No "OMG I just realized this girl stalks me so I must love her back! *insert citrus here*" scenarios, please.

Four - Try to make the story interesting, even if some of my ideas include characters that can flatten Konoha with a sneeze.

Five - No insta-chummy-Nine-Tailed-Fox. If any, Naruto treating the Fox as a person will be the key to allowing him to use its power. No female-part-of-the-harem-Nine-Tailed-Fox, too, if you're going to try that.

There will be more stipulations and situations here in the future, so do drop by every now and then, okay?

* * *

><p><strong>TABLE OF CONTENTS<strong> (so far)

**Chapter 1** - From the Files of ANBU Squad (Naruto in the style of The Naked Gun)  
>Challenges: Crossover, Comedy, Slapstick, Improvisation, Replacement<br>**Chapter 2** - Viceroy of the West (Ragnarok Online crossover)  
>Challenges: Exile, Different Abilities, New World, Exploration, Politics, Subverting The Usual Cliche'd Crap, Naruto as an RO-verse Ninja<br>**Chapter 3** - With Hard Work and Guts (Aim For the Top! 2 crossover)  
>Challenges: Unexpected Relatives, Ridiculously Overpowered Character, Rinnegan, Hard Work and Guts, Friendship, Family<br>**Chapter 4** - The Orange Genin of Legend (Breath of Fire (3) crossover)  
>Challenges: Team 7, Totally Different Naruto, Ridiculously Overpowered Protagonist, Crossover with Dragon Blade Chronicles, Scared Shitless Nine-Tails<br>**Chapter 5** - Another Calling (Bleach crossover)  
>Challenges: Post-series, Reunions, Making Badasses Job At Least Once, Detailed Worldbuilding, Ending Hatred, Ridiculously Overpowered Naruto<br>**Chapter 6** - From One Mess To Another (Kuroinu: Kedakaki Seijo wa Hakudaku ni Somaru crossover)  
>Challenges: Realistic Harem, Culture Shock, Inventive Uses of Kage Bunshin, Mediating Gender Issues, Ending Hatred<br>**Chapter 7** - Naruto's Magnificent Seven (Yu-Gi-Oh! crossover)  
>Challenges: Not-Quite-A-Samurai Naruto, Politics, Bushido, Swordsmanship, <strong>SCIENCE!<strong>, Shien Being A Badass  
><strong>Chapter 8<strong> - Another Calling 2  
>Challenges: Even More Ridiculously Overpowered Character, Another Crossover<br>**Chapter 9** - Viceroy of the West 2  
>Challenges: More Overpowered Cast Members<br>**Chapter 10** - Spy Boy (Deus Ex: HR crossover)  
>Challenges: Worldbuilding, fusion, I wear my sunglasses at night~, one-hit takedowns, Naruto being a badass like Adam freaking Jensen<p> 


	2. Chapter 1: From the Files of ANBU Squad

_disclaimer:_ Naruto is by Kishimoto Masashi. Police Squad! and The Naked Gun film trilogy is by Zucker/Abrahams/Zucker.

* * *

><p><em><strong>From the Files of ANBU Squad...<strong>_

* * *

><p>The Village Hidden in the Rain.<p>

A technologically-advanced ninja village, currently run by an enigmatic figure known as "Pain" (no relation to the detective from Noir York City named Max).

Also, on its outskirts lies an even more impenetrable structure...

...within the darkness of a localized cave system.

And within ...sinister plotting is afoot as the world's most powerful missing-nin organization was currently holding a meeting.

"...Listen to me!" a blue-skinned man began. "Killing a few jinchuriki is not sufficient! The tree-huggers must be made to SUFFER! We must humiliate them!"

"You do not go far enough, Hoshigaki," an orange-haired man with piercings replied. "We must strip them of all their power... and then drag them all over the Elemental Countries so they know what true pain is like."

"Nonsense!" a stitched-together ninja replied. "This solution is not bold enough for Grass. I say wipe out Konoha and Kumo."

"What?" a dark-haired young man asked, his black eyes flaring to red. "And spoil three years of good public relations? The fangirls believe I'm a nice guy. In some of their polls, I'm more popular than the main character!"

The bickering continued for a minute longer until an orange-masked man banged on the table.

"Gentlemen. **GENTLEMEN!** This is getting us nowhere!" the masked man said. "If we do nothing else this week, we must conceive at least one terrorist act that will show all the world that the Village Hidden in the Leaves, the great Hypocrite, is but a paper tiger - a weak Village, a soft people, a people ripe for destruction."

He ranted on, unaware of the service crew's hand beginning to shake in poorly-disguised fury. "...cowards, no longer willing to fight!"

The service crew had had enough, putting the metal pitcher of piping-hot tea onto the masked nin's hand, prompting him to scream - and that's when the waiter took off his veil to reveal blond hair, blue eyes and six whisker marks.

_Where's the music suddenly coming from? _one of them thought.

Everyone gaped for a moment in astonishment until he put up a cross seal.

_**"Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"**_

Pandemonium erupted as all the missing-nin were quickly beaten to the ground, the advantage of surprise totally on the blond's side - it also helped that he discreetly planted seal tags all over the place that prevented the use of any jutsu except his.

And off to work the blond went, his clones punching people - and pinching the ass of the sole female member of this group with a saucy wink - and then the real one focused his attention on the masked man, using his head as a boxer's speedbag in an easy rhythm.

The blue-skinned Hoshigaki was about to hit him from behind, but a simple Bruce Lee-esque backfist stopped him in his tracks, the blond not losing a beat as he continued pummeling the masked man's face.

Meanwhile, the red-eyed man had just been thrown across the room by a clone's punch, into the arms of another clone who readied a judo throw... only to gape as a box of pocky hit the floor.

"I knew it," the clone said before ramming the red-eyed man's head through the wall.

The rest of them tried to gang up on the blond but to no avail, as there was simply too many clones and too little space.

**"YAAAAAAHHHH!"** the real one shouted in a fierce battlecry as he punted the black-and-white freaky ninja out a cave window.

In came the masked man trying to score a hit, but the blond simply weaved out of the way and knocked the mask off with a punch, revealing a familiar face.

_Isn't he that founder of the Uchiha?_ the blond thought, but quickly shrugged as he sent the man to his knees with a kick to the groin.

The clones finished up quickly and dispelled, leaving behind a roomful of carnage.

"Wait..." the white freaky ninja said. "Who are you?"

"I'm Operative Uzumaki Naruto, ANBU Squad..." the blonde declared as he threw open the window to make his escape, "...and don't ever let me catch you guys in Konoha!"

Unfortunately, the window swung back, hitting said operative square in the face before he tottered and fell, screaming all the way down...

* * *

><p>Night.<p>

A silver-haired masked ANBU stealthily made his way to the boat, but not before enhancing his hearing with chakra.

What he heard almost made him break his cover.

"This completes our first shipment of opium - 100% pure," a voice said.

"It better be - all fifty kilos of them."

"The final shipment will be delivered in three days. Then we'll expect payment."

"Don't worry, Councilman."

_**COUNCILMAN?** _the ANBU thought in horror before making his way to the boat itself, intent on stopping these criminals in their tracks... only to plant his foot straight through the door he intended to kick down. By the time he had extricated his leg from the makeshift hole and went inside, all the enemy ninja were ready to go.

"Konoha police! You're under arrest!"

A white-haired ninja put his hands up, and his companions turned incredulously at him... until a shadowed presence made himself known in the room - a one-eyed, one-armed man with a cane.

"Kill him," the man said, and before the ANBU knew what happened next, he was pelted with jutsu of various elements.

That was the best thing that happened to him today, as the hapless ANBU had blundered into all manner of genin and Academy student-level trap rigged around the ship's entrance. Thankfully, he managed to drag himself out of the room and fall into the water, where there were no more humiliating traps.

_I did copy a lot of jutsu from them, though,_ his last thoughts were before he passed out from the pain.

* * *

><p>The blonde agent walked out of the plane, waving off a bouquet of flowers, making a beeline for the brown-haired chunin waiting at the bottom of the stairway.<p>

"Welcome home, Naruto. Good work in Amegakure. We heard about it."

"Thanks, Konohamaru. But I just want to know one thing. Is it true what they said about Sakura-chan?"

"...I'm afraid so, Naruto. She ran off with some guy. They got married last week."

"...then it's over," the blonde replied, his shoulders immediately dropping at the bad news. "All of this is meaningless. I did it for her... I did everything for her."

"And now she's gone." He sauntered over to the press box, where a bunch of reporters were waiting, and turned disdainfully at the journalists gathered there. "So you came down here to get the hot story, didn't you? Pictures of me to sell your lousy newspapers?"

"Boss," Konohamaru whispered nervously.

Unfortunately, the revelation had left the ANBU in a ranting mode. "Sure, you think l'm a big hero... the man of the hour... but do any of you understand... how a man can hurt inside?"

The reporters gathered (and was one of them a tengu?) were gaping at him until his sidekick Konohamaru  
>Sarutobi tugged on his sleeve.<p>

"Naruto, they're not here for you," he told his senpai awkwardly. "Yukie Fujikaze is on the same flight."

Uzumaki Naruto turned around, and there she was, Princess Gale herself, stepping out of the plane with a bouquet of flowers in her arms, smiling and waving to her fans.

"What about the wedding, what was she wearing?" Naruto asked as they had left the press box and were making their way to the cart.

"Don't torture yourself, boss! Just put her out of your mind."

"The thing is, I **CAN'T**get her out of my mind. What about the guy, do you know anything about him?"

"Not much. Just that he's a Sharingan user, and it's the best sex she's ever had."

The airport wasn't that far from Konoha proper, so the two ANBU Squad agents took to their own cart, crashing as Naruto backed up a foot too much before he took to the streets and back to the Village Hidden in the Leaves proper.

"I trusted her and followed my heart; foolishly, it seems..." Naruto began as the two agents went along the driveway towards Konoha. "I'm just gonna have to learn to forget. That's why I took my vacation in Amegakure - maybe find a little peace."

"It won't be easy, though..." he added, glancing over at a huge bilboard for peaches only recently put up, "everywhere I look, something reminds me of her."

"Maybe ANBU and women just don't mix," Naruto sighed, but suddenly remembered something. "What about Kakashi-senpai? I came as soon as I heard."

"He's alive, but on life support. The medic-nin say he's got a fifty-fifty chance of living - though there's only a ten percent chance of THAT," Konohamaru answered, not noticing the bewildered look his senpai in the ANBU squad suddenly sported.

* * *

><p>After examining the wrapped-in-a-plaster-cast arm of Hatake Kakashi, brave ANBU injured in the line of duty, the medic-nin turned to his wife Rin. "Hatake-san, I think we can save your husband's arm. Where would you like it sent?"<p>

Before she could answer, Naruto and Konohamaru entered the room.

"Oh, Naruto-kun, I'm so glad you came!" Rin declared, welcoming the blond ANBU with a hug and then doing the same to Konohamaru.

"Rin-san, I came as soon as I heard," Naruto replied.

"Thanks."

"...Where's Kakashi-senpai?" Naruto asked, looking around the room.

"He's right here," Rin said, pointing him to the bed where a semiconscious and still injured Hatake Kakashi lay.

"Kakashi-san?" Naruto asked, making his way over to the bed. "It's Naruto, your kouhai. Who did-"

His question was interrupted because as soon as he sat on the bed, it folded in half, sandwiching the poor ANBU and causing everyone to panic for a moment before setting it back down... but that was when Naruto hit his head on the IV drip, causing him to pitch forward and hit the switch again, folding Kakashi once more.

"Get the switch on the side of the bed!" Konohamaru shouted, and the issue was easily settled as upon taking hold of the switch, the bed was quickly laid out flat again.

"Senpai... it's me, Naruto," he said, easing close to the semiconscious ANBU. "Who did this to you?"

"I... love... you..." Naruto's maybe-there-maybe-not colleague mumbled.

"Uh, the fangirls may get this all wrong, but I love you too, senpai. But who were they?"

"Ship... boat..."

"Right. A boat. When you get better we'll go to Wave Country and go on a fishing trip on a boat, like we did six months ago."

"No... drugs..."

"Nurse!" Naruto quickly exclaimed, causing the dark-haired and rather pretty nurse to come in the room posthaste. "Give this man some drugs, can't you see he's in pain?"

A quick application of some healing jutsu and some herbal pain remedies later, and Naruto was once again asking questions.

"Opium... Opium, Naruto!" Kakashi said hazily.

Naruto looked around hesitantly before whispering in his senpai's ear. "Er... that's a pretty tall order - you're gonna have to give me a couple of days on that one."

"Oh, poor Kakashi-kun!" Rin cried, forcing the ANBU to halt his impromptu questioning of his colleague. "He was such a good man, Naruto-kun - who would want to do such a thing?"

"Hard to tell," Naruto sighed. "Gang of bandits, angry husband, gay lover..." and Rin wept even harder at that.

"Naruto-san, get a hold of yourself!" Konohamaru replied.

"A great ANBU - cut down by some cowardly hoodlums."

"Indeed. No way for a brave ANBU to go."

"You're right, Konohamaru," Naruto answered. "A fire jutsu exploding in your face, that's the way to die. Getting mangled by the Spring Country train - or getting a kunai with an exploding tag shoved up your bum via Thousand Years of Death, that's the way I want to go."

If it was possible for Rin to cry harder on Naruto's shoulder, she would have. "Oh, Naruto-kun, this is too horrible!"

"Don't worry, Rin-san," Konohamaru replied soothingly, "your husband is gonna be all right. Just think positive. Never let a doubt enter your mind."

"He's right, Rin-san," Naruto added, "but don't wait until the last minute to fill out those Bloodline Donor cards."

Konohamaru sighed as Rin continued crying. "What we're trying to say is that as soon as Kakashi-senpai gets better, of course he'll be welcome back at ANBU Squad."

"Unless he's a drooling vegetable, but that's only common sense."

Konohamaru decided to cut his colleague off for now, because he saw a trail of - did Rin blow her nose on Naruto's ANBU uniform? "Do you know why Kakashi-senpai was at the waterfront last night?"

"No," Rin replied, finally wiping her tears with a handkerchief and not Naruto's uniform, "but I found this at home... in a drawer."

Konohamaru took the picture she handed over, looked it up and sighed. "I LUV YOU... out of Kirigakure. Naruto, when Kakashi-senpai said 'I love you' he was telling you the name of the ship!"

Naruto got the picture, looked at it, and suddenly felt like he had become the punch line of a very bad joke. "I realize that... now."

"We're going to give this a look," Konohamaru said, taking back the picture for later analysis.

"I want every available man on this," Naruto declared.

"Come on, Naruto-san - everyone's hands are full! We're in charge of security for the Fire Daimyo's visit."

Naruto sighed before turning towards Kakashi's wife with resolve burning in his eyes. "Very well, then, Rin-san, whatever scum did this, not one man will rest for one minute until he's behind bars, dattebayo! ...Now let's grab a bite to eat.


	3. Chapter 2: Viceroy of the West

Consider this a cliched story with a different execution altogether.

* * *

><p>A genin of the Leaf was carrying a fellow genin piggy-back as he took slow, painful steps away from what was called the Valley of the End.<p>

His entire frame was wracked with injuries - cuts, bruises, and a finger seemed bent out of joint, but he didn't seem to care, as his blue eyes were dancing with satisfaction at a job well done, pride at a promise fulfilled, and happiness at finally being recognized by his teammate, colleague and rival.

"Hey, Naruto."

He turned to the person he was carrying, spasmed a bit, and smiled.

"Up already, Sasuke?" the blond asked as he continued taking careful steps back.

"Yeah."

A minute of a decidedly uncomfortable silence passed between them before Naruto decided to ask a question.

"Why'd you do it?"

"I already told you."

"You didn't," Naruto insisted. "You told me this story about your brother, your clan... but you never told me why."

"To avenge them," Sasuke replied, "I would do whatever it takes."

"...'everything' including defect?" Naruto asked. When Sasuke didn't reply after a moment, he continued talking. "Man, for a genius, you sure are dumber than a box of rocks..."

Black eyes shot open in surprise and indignation.

"What makes you say that?" he asked with barely concealed annoyance.

"Nothing," Naruto answered, "just remembering what Kakashi-sensei told us, we have to always look underneath the underneath. Didn't quite get you back then, was running on adrenaline and all, but..."

"...really, you took everything that happened then at face value?"

The Uchiha looked away before nodding.

"Hey, it's all right," Naruto replied. "'least you got to spend time with your family. But enough about that. This is the part where I'm supposed to rub it in your face that I beat you fair and square."

"Sure," Sasuke answered wearily, "go ahead."

"Nah. Not interested now. Gotta focus on walking."

"But you can talk... while walking."

"Well yeah, got nothin' better to do, right? 'sides, it's okay."

He remembered putting a lightning-laced hand through the blond's chest, and now understood why Naruto had to stop every few steps and shudder a bit.

"No, it's not," Sasuke said, thinking about just how dumb this whole thing was in hindsight, "I tried to kill you."

"Don't think of it that way. I'm tougher than most."

"Sure you are."

"Well we know who won, right? So that makes the count one win, no losses, and one no contest."

"No contest... the roof?"

"Yep."

"You seem different, Naruto..."

"I don't feel that different, Sasuke. Only that it still kinda hurts everywhere. Damn Chidori of yours still sending static along my coils. But... it's all right."

"No... it's not," Sasuke replied, "I'm sworn to avenge my clan, slay my brother, bring their honor back..."

"Who says you gotta go at it by yourself? Man, if you asked me, I'd have whipped ya into shape and we'd go after your bastard brother together."

"The life of the avenger is lonesome..."

"Sure it is. Face value? Sasuke, you need to look at the whole thing at arm's length."

"Since when do you know what to do about these things anyway, dead-last?"

"I watch people, genius," Naruto replied. "Plus there was all those ninja psychology classes I flunked out of but figured out around the time we went back from Wave. What did you think I did after team meetings, gorge on ramen at Ichiraku's?"

"Well... yeah."

"S'all right, Sasuke. When we get home, you get stronger, I get stronger, we get stronger, and - I give you my word - I'll watch your back when the time comes to bring your bastard brother to justice... and Uzumaki Naruto never goes back on his word, believe it!"

Sasuke grinned.

"Why not?"

He couldn't keep his eyelids up after the wild fight they were in, and sleep embraced him.

* * *

><p>"Uzumaki Naruto, while you have accomplished the mission given to you, for the good of Fire Country and the Village Hidden in the Leaves, you are thus ordered banished from these lands."<p>

The Hokage's voice was even, but Naruto could see the red rimming her eyes. Subtly sweeping his eyes around the room, he could see who approved of this (mostly the civilians) and those who didn't (mostly the ninja).

What got his attention were the trio of older ninja carrying on a little whispered conference of their own in the corner of the Hokage's office. _Bastards. As if I don't know they planned the whole thing, based on their body language,_ he thought.

In one ear and out the other for the next few minutes, and before he knew it, it was only him, Ero-Sennin (_when did he get here?_) and his "baa-chan" in the office.

"Sorry, kid, we did everything we could. Damn near exhausted our political favors to keep you here, though," Jiraiya began, "thankfully, hime and I managed to pull the rug out from under the Councilman."

"Excuse me?" Naruto asked.

After nodding to Jiraiya, who engaged the privacy seals in the office, Tsunade replied to his question. "Shimura Danzo would have enrolled you under the ROOT program. Judging by the 'quality' of the ninja he trained, it would only end badly for Konoha in the long run."

"So you two had me... exiled? Banished?" Naruto asked, outrage and disbelief coloring his voice.

"It was the best out of a bad lot of alternatives. We'll be covering for it by pretending to follow the civilian council's directive of imprisoning you - Sensei did kowtow to the civilians back when they had the Daimyo's ear, so this has a precedent - and we'll also be spreading the rumor that you were exiled to several locations all over the Elemental Countries. Don't know how long the smokescreen will hold, but it should be enough for you to hide away and maybe train, at least until we get to the root of the problem - Jiraiya, Naruto, it's not that funny, so quit snickering."

_There's something here I haven't gotten, but the way baa-chan says it makes me want to figure it out - I'll have enough time to put this puzzle together later._

"What about Sasuke?" Naruto asked after he got over his snickering fit.

"He'll be Kakashi's apprentice."

"And Sakura?"

"She'll be MY apprentice," the Hokage said.

Naruto nodded, glad to hear his teammates were in capable hands.

"You don't seem too crushed about the proclamation, kid," Jiraiya said. "After all, when you're banished, we won't be able to assist you in an official capacity should Akatsuki come calling."

"There is that," Naruto admitted, "but you won't mind me going with you for some time so I can train with you, right, Ero-Sennin?"

_This kid's fast._ "Well, I suppose that's not a problem, since a lot of my work is out of Konoha."

Naruto nodded.

"Jiraiya, I'd like a moment with Naruto... alone."

"All right, hime," he said as he went to the door, but just before he shut it behind him, his head peeked into the office as he delivered his parting shot, "just don't corrupt the poor kid too badly, he's been through quite a lot to-**YIPE!**"

Jiraiya yelped from the cheap ashtray thrown at him - the makeshift projectile flew across the office corridor, out the far wall, and into the horizon.

* * *

><p>Uzumaki Naruto walked away from the Hokage Tower feeling a multitude of emotions - disappointment, acceptance, sadness, a little confusion, and a whole lot of satisfaction.<p>

_I don't know if I should brag about it, but damn, that was the most awesome thing that happened to me. The Hokage actually cried, told me who my parents were..._

_...screw that, I spent nearly a full minute shoved into baa-chan's chest!_

_And she smelled - so - good._

He was halfway to his apartment and still wearing his shit-eating grin when he saw something green appear in his field of vision.

"Uzumaki-san," something green said as Naruto made out a black bowl cut and a jonin jacket...

"Guy-sensei?" Naruto asked.

"We heard about your exile. We tried to vouch for you, but..."

"It's all right, Guy-sensei. I know you guys did your best."

"But that is not what I am here for," the jonin-sensei said. "I came to pay my debt to you regarding Lee."

"What's this for?" Naruto asked upon receiving the sealed scroll from the taijutsu specialist.

"When you get to Wave Country, there's a ferry there that shows up every two months. Once you get past Kirigakure and after about a week's worth of ocean travel, one of the stops will be an island called Amatsu. You can hide out there for some time - take the scroll to my cousin Cougar Guy."

Naruto nodded and bowed to the Green Beast of Konoha and spent several long moments looking at the space the man vacated when he dashed off.

* * *

><p>"They're what?" Sasuke asked, beginning to exude a dark aura. "If anyone deserves to be kicked out of this village, it should be me."<p>

"Relax," Naruto said, defusing his comrade by patting his shoulder, "it's already done, so we can just do our best despite the circumstances."

"Sakura's taking classes with the Hokage, says she's got everything it takes to be a great medic-nin. Still, I wonder..."

"No time for wondering. Remember? You get stronger, I get stronger. We still have your brother to catch," Naruto continued without missing a beat as he packed his meager belongings for his exile.

"I'll hold you to that promise, Naruto."

"Of course... oh yeah, take care of my apartment, all right?" he asked, tossing Sasuke the keys to his "crib".

"Hn."

* * *

><p><em><strong>"About time you stopped by, warden."<strong>_

"No ominously evil voice? Obvious scare tactics? Overt threats? This is new from you."

The Nine-Tailed Fox sniffed disdainfully. _**"Given your new outlook on life, it was obvious that such brutish methods wouldn't be as effective."**_

"Speaking of which, what happened to me back there?"

_**"Your 'teammate' shoved your head into the rocks with a fucking chakra-powered pile driver. Then shoved a ball of lightning in your chest. Twice."**_

"That's not what I'm talking about, and watch your language."

_**"Well, I'd like to think it's what happened when you tapped into enough of my power."**_

"Excuse me?"

_**"Oh, do figure it out on your own time. You should be able to piece it together, since your access to your long-term memory isn't as spotty as before. Come back and talk to me then."**_

Naruto opened his eyes and groaned.

"Great. Just great."

* * *

><p>The silver lining in the cloud that was this whole banishment debacle was that Jiraiya agreed to accompany me up to Amatsu - I was on my own after that.<p>

I don't know, I should have been moping. Instead, I did the whole "It's a whole new adventure for Uzumaki Naruto, dattebayo!" as soon as I stepped from the ferry onto Amatsu and began my search for the man named Cougar Guy.

Little did I know that three years hence, I'd be stomping back to the Elemental Countries, breaking the terms of my exile because even there, the threat of Akatsuki still loomed over me. I picked up a lot of friends and allies along the way though, and I'd like to say my chances are a lot better now than before.

Akatsuki's gonna get the surprise of their lives.

* * *

><p><em>What this prospective fic has:<em>

1. A cliche'd banishment storyline, except that nearly all the ninja don't actually hate Naruto - their hands are just tied (council went to the Daimyo over everyone else's head). Sasuke also gets a major wake-up call after it really cut into him how much he messed up his teammate.

2. A Naruto without the shonen-genre-protagonist syndrome. The explanation here is since calling on one tail of the Fox's chakra, the seal no longer requires a large expenditure of spiritual energy to keep running, allowing him to think a lot clearer than in canon.

3. No pairings. Lol. I might be a fan of Naru/Hina, but our boy will be dealing with a lot. As in Evolution... "no sex?" "No time for sex." "Bummer."

4. Naruto will either be an Oboro or Kagerou. Until it's released, I'm keeping Naruto's abilities limited to that of a Ragnarok Online Ninja.

5. Given the "Cougar Guy in Amatsu" line, yes, this is a Ragnarok Online crossover.

6. This is basically the "Emperor of the West" without the bashing. Okay, yeah, there will be some bashing, but nothing egregious. Heck, even Sasuke wishes he was the one banished and not Naruto.

7. Naruto's return to the Elemental Countries will be with a lot of familiar and ridiculously overpowered friends, which means we'll see a lot of hilarity when the Akatsuki decides to show up.


	4. Chapter 3: With Hard Work and Guts

_disclaimer:_ Naruto's not mine and neither is the thing I crossed over with it - the former is Kishimoto's, the latter belongs to Studio Gainax.

* * *

><p>It was one of those things you could call an unlikely coincidence.<p>

Yet, it is the sum of those coincidences that can make the ultimate difference between life and death; love and hate; victory and defeat.

But that wasn't on one seven-year-old Uzumaki Naruto's mind - the boy was on his latest, greatest and grandest adventure - so far.

In his (admittedly misguided) aim to become Hokage, he had taken to every nook and cranny he could find, exploring every secret hideout and cooldown spot in the Village Hidden in the Leaves.

If you asked him about it, though, he'd tell you that it was because it was fun.

If you showed that you cared enough about him to really ask him, he'd tell you that it was because he could only count on his fingers the people who paid attention to him.

Matter of fact, where everyone his age was beginning to work on kanji right now, he was taking kana lessons from the people at Ichiraku Ramen every night - and it was very slow going.

Right now, though? A pleasant day, one of the best days ever to be exploring Konoha's ins and outs.

And today, Naruto was playing near the Hokage mountain - after he had been told that the mountain was off-limits by an ANBU wearing a dog mask, he decided to just go around the declaration and play near the mountain's base.

_Two cup ramen, two packets of hot water, a flashlight and my pair of goggles..._ he thought as he checked the items he would need for today's little adventure.

After all, yesterday, he had found the entrance to another series of tunnels - much different from the tunnels under Konoha proper that got him in trouble with the Hokage before - within the base of the Hokage mountain. He had tried to see what was inside another system of tunnels the day before, but the ANBU said that there wasn't anything there worth seeing.

Naruto simply shrugged at that and carefully peeled away the branches that hid the entrance to this new maze of tunnels - his objective was to now see if he could get to the other tunnel from here.

_Here we go,_ he thought, and with a quick dive, he was in.

* * *

><p><em>Naruto is missing?<em> the Hokage had asked.

_Yes, he has not appeared for two days now. He said he would only spend one day playing and return around afternoon today,_ the proprietor of Naruto's favorite ramen stand had said.

The Third Hokage seriously considered sending an ANBU or two to see where the boy had gone, but realized Dog was on a mission and would not return until the day after tomorrow.

_Mongoose, perhaps? He is one of the people who remain neutral to the boy despite both what he holds and his clan's opinion... very well,_ he thought as he finished his ramen, paid for his tab and returned to his office to call on one of his ANBU operatives...

* * *

><p>Time and space.<p>

Mere days after being confined into this prison, the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox began its experimentation on the seal array used.

Time.

Space.

Illusion.

Containment.

_Was this an illusion conjured up by the seal array, or is this a structure created and maintained by the host's chakra network?_ it asked itself. It seems that time passes by at a more languid pace here than outside, though...

Still, it would take the fox some time before its analysis of the seal holding it was complete - even after managing to succeed in sending out a feeler to the outside world, there was still so much to do, so much to try to understand about just what that man named Namikaze Minato did to it...

...and in hindsight, being stuck in here meant that there would be no red-eyed monsters attempting to control its mind.

_Could progress be made...?_

The prison began to ripple.

_Impossible. This boy... this boy has the same power._

The ripple effect began to hasten, a sign that the boy was beginning to harness the very same power that was thought to be lost in legend.

_This isn't a natural reaction to the power awakening,_ the fox said to itself. _This is the power being awakened by being in close proximity to something similar to it. But... at the rate this is going, the boy will only have the smallest of its abilities when the awakening ends. He will need a lot of guidance if he is to wield it properly._

In the dark prison that was the seal made for it, the nine-tailed demon fox chuckled darkly.

But what could possibly be so similar to this boy's legendary power that caused it to awaken?

* * *

><p>The ten-year-old boy was in one of the training grounds for Academy students.<p>

Day by day, rain or shine, weekday or weekend, workday or holiday, he and his "older sister" would take to the grounds, and either run laps, work on hand seals (in order to help her "little brother", she knew them - but somehow, they didn't work for her), spar, or do chakra exercises (which she also knew, but somehow couldn't do).

She had taken to putting on a comically huge pair of sunglasses and a strange cap to hide her flowing orange hair in during each and every one of these training sessions.

Not only that, the boy answering "Yes, Coach!" could be heard every now and then.

* * *

><p>Seven years had passed since Naruto discovered a member of his family...<p>

"Ladies and gentlemen, the ninja of hard work and guts, Uzumaki Naruto... has arrived!"

The blond strode into the Academy classroom, confidence oozing from his every pore. Ever since the boy's older sister returned to the village, life had changed for him - instead of empty boasts about how he would be Hokage and how everyone would acknowledge him, his words carried a lot more weight to them.

Sure, he had started off at the bottom of the class and had struggled with nearly all of his lessons, but it took the class' Rookie of the Year beating him to an inch of his life for him to show off his true potential.

"'Sup, Naruto," Inuzuka Kiba said upon seeing the Academy student strut into the classroom. "You seem full of confidence today."

"But of course," he replied, "Onee-sama and I have worked ourselves to the bone. Success is inevitable. Ain't that right, Sasuke, Hinata?"

At the other end of the classroom, the dark-haired Uchiha lazily raised a hand in response. He never told anyone, but ever since that time he got floored by a sudden kick to the face, Sasuke also subscribed to the boy's philosophy of "hard work and guts". Seated next to him was the only kunoichi-to-be who wasn't crushing head-over-heels on him - Hyuuga Hinata. She waved shyly at the boy as he swaggered towards his usual seat.

* * *

><p>"Shinra Tensei."<p>

The Deva Path's eyes opened, as his casting of the most powerful force-based jutsu in his arsenal seemed ineffective.

He focused his rippled eyes to the epicenter of his would-be attack on Konoha and gaped.

A young woman stood tall, energy flaring around her as she folded her arms.

_Judging by the amount of power flowing through her, the girl absorbed my jutsu. Fascinating,_ he thought.

At the center of Konoha, people were being evacuated left and right, and the woman glaring at the leader of Akatsuki continued to pay them no mind, but only when the Hokage - who was about to use a desperation jutsu to protect the townsfolk - broke the silence did she reply.

"...Uzumaki... Nono...?" Shizune gaped.

"...you were in Mount Myoboku as well, helping the Toads save Jiraiya's life... how did you get here in so short a time...?" Tsunade asked.

"Via warp!" the young woman declared. "For the bond between me and my otouto's precious people, distance is meaningless!"

It was only then that the gathered ninja bothered to take a glimpse at just how different Uzumaki Naruto's "onee-sama" looked like now - from her usual orange dress, she now sported orange goggles and a white muffler over what looked like a white bodysuit accented with red.

"What... are... you...?" a ninja whispered some distance away.

And then she told them just who the hell she was.

"Terran Imperial Space Fleet. Solar System Direct Assistance Battalion Attache. Sixth Generation Interstellar Cruising Decisive Weapon...

**"...Buster Machine No. 7!"**

"And..."

Suddenly, the sky grew dark as what seemed like an area-wide genjutsu dispelled. The paths of Pain looked up to the heavens as a multitude of flying machines made their appearance.

The Deva Path was no longer smiling.

"You will not do anything today. Or any other day for that matter. Because on my oath as a Nonoriri..."

She unfolded her arms, and held her arms forward, palms facing the interloper who dared try and level her beloved otouto's home, and then she shouted: "...YOU WILL BE STOPPED!"

Energy began gathering around her, and the Preta Path appeared, taking a defensive pose to absorb any chakra-based attacks sent towards them. Unfortunately...

**"BUSTER..."**

...this wasn't a chakra-based attack.

**"BEEEEAAAAAM!"**

* * *

><p>Can anyone say "overpowered"? :p<p> 


	5. Chapter 4: The Orange Genin of Legend

_foreword:_ You should have a guess as to the crossover when you get up to Mizuki, and KNOW it when you get to Zabuza.

* * *

><p><em><strong>The Orange Genin of Legend<strong>_

* * *

><p>Namikaze Minato, Yondaime Hokage, was at the proverbial end of his rope. Who wouldn't be? The degree of misfortune over the past few days could be called enormous.<p>

First, someone leaked to the enemy the location of where his fiance was going to give birth. This was no ordinary birthing, as said fiance was Uzumaki Kushina, the jinchuriki of the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox, and the seal holding back the entity was at its weakest when its host was giving birth.

Next, the attack on Kushina cost them nearly everything.

But none as dear as the newborn Naruto.

He had also been a casualty.

_So much for contingencies..._

And last but not in any way least, the fox was loose.

He had used nearly all his chakra to warp the entity away from Konohagakure and into the forests around it, calling on his predecessor and teacher to at least hold the beast at bay... while going through the maternity wards and orphanages as fast as he could, stopping to pop a soldier pill once or twice.

He needed a newborn child.

He needed a newborn child, right now.

The fox's roars washed over the countryside, a sign of impending doom, as he checked the hospital records.

No such luck.

Would he be able to survive the attempt? To store all of it in himself? Would it even **WORK?**

_Oh, if only a child would drop from the sky, I'd have a solution to this problem of mine..._

...and as what they say, speak of the devil, and he shall appear.

Space distorted as a newborn child was flung from a summoning portal that emerged some distance away - with his trademark technique, he made it easily and caught the newborn boy.

Blue eyes.

Blond hair.

At that point, something tenuous in the Hokage's mind became clear.

"I'm sorry about this... Naruto..."

But then again, one should be careful about what one wishes for, lest he get it.

* * *

><p>Fast forward to twelve years later, where the forests outside Konohagakure are once again draped by the curtains of night.<p>

"**YOU** are the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox!"

A ninja toting a large shuriken pointed and laughed at an orange-wearing boy, who dropped to his knees at the awful truth.

Heartbeat.

Heartbeat.

Heartbeat.

The boy known as Uzumaki Naruto screamed in sorrow and pain, and somewhere inside him, something began to stir and wake up.

* * *

><p>Deep in the seal that was his prison, the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox began to wonder why its prison was a lot different than previous ones. While it had twelve years to find out as much as it could in such a confined space... sometimes, a little nudge in the right direction leads to something so much more.<p>

It felt its host's sorrow.

It felt its host's pain... anguish... despair.

But the Fox knew nothing of those, and cared even less about them.

The cage was beginning to pulsate, as SOMETHING began to surge and move along the walls of its prison... the shallow water below began to simmer, then boil...

_It is an awakening._

_Of what, I do not know._

The demon fox remained at the ready to see what else is in store for it and its host.

_Maybe my stay within this boy... will not be as bad as the last ones..._

Its thoughts were broken as the interior of the seal began to quake madly, the pulsating growing even stronger, the tremors growing in duration and intensity...

Survival instinct took over.

It did not want to die.

* * *

><p>"...where am I?" the boy asked, looking around to find something unnerving, but not really frightening: a dimly-lit sewer, filled foot-high with the oddest water that didn't burn despite it boiling.<p>

Before he could make heads or tails of things, a voice called out to him.

_Come closer._

"Who's there?"

_Time is critical. Come here._

He shrugged and walked forward, only noticing that the water he was standing in was boiling - yet he did not feel it. Likewise, the walls and ground of this strange place seemed to shudder and shake, but his balance did not seem perturbed.

_**Hurry!**_

He arrived at the oddest of sights: a massive cage, with a gigantic fox trapped within it.

_**"Whatever you are doing, child, put a stop to it. Continuing this would lead to my - and your - undoing."**_

"What do you mean?" the boy asked. "I'm not doing anything!"

_**"You are not? Then why is this seal still shrinking?"**_

"Seal? You're being boxed in?"

_**"Yes, child, and you are the cause!"**_

"I... I'll stop it! Tell me what I need to do to stop it, I didn't mean for this to happen, **and I'm sorry!**"

When he raised his voice, the cage seemed to stop closing in on the fox. The tremors also stopped, and the odd water stopped boiling.

"What happened?" the boy asked the large fox.

"You did," the gigantic fox replied. "For now - as much as I hate this - I owe you my life."

"That I do, huh? You're welcome, er..."

"...my name? You would ask for my name?"

The boy nodded.

"I am Kurama."

"And I am Uzumaki Naruto. It is a pleasure to meet you. Now how do I get out of here?"

* * *

><p>By the time his eyes opened, he was back in the forest, Iruka-sensei was being carried away by ANBU to the medics...<p>

ANBU.

Medics.

_Wait, what happened while I was talking to Kurama?_

After gaining his bearings, he looked around, and gasped at what he saw.

Everything in front of him was burned down. Nothing was left standing, and the scorched ground still smoked... and bubbled in places.

It looked like some sort of high-powered Fire jutsu his class had been discussing back when there were lectures about battlefield strategy and tactics... though he slept through it, he did remember that some jutsu had a rather large area of effect.

The cone shape in front of him that was where said Fire jutsu hit seemed to extend at least a hundred meters further.

"Academy Student Uzumaki?" the goat-masked ANBU asked.

"That's me, ANBU-san," he answered.

"Follow us, please, we will require a statement from you."

_As he mutely followed the two ANBU and left the forest to either the forensic team or more ANBU, Naruto began collecting his thoughts._

_I failed the genin test._

_Then Mizuki-sensei said there was another way._

_I used my Sexy Technique on the Old Man._

_I got the scroll._

_Read it and learned something from it._

_Iruka-sensei stopped me._

_Mizuki-sensei came and then..._

_...and then..._

_**ANGUISH.**_

_**PAIN.**_

_**FIRE.**_

He shook his head from the intense thoughts and decided to save them for later, as there was still a debriefing to be done.

* * *

><p>"Hokage-sama, these findings are odd," the medic-nin said as she gave her superior two sets of pictures. "This was from a week before the genin tests, the requisite physical and chakra network exam; and this was from yesterday."<p>

"This extensive modification of the chakra coils? It should be lethal, but the boy is running around like nothing's wrong despite his chakra system going from next-to-nothing to something a jonin would sell his mother's pelt for."

"He shows no sign of outside modification now, does he not?" the Hokage asked.

"Yes, Hokage-sama," the medic replied. "He is, for all intents and purposes, cleared for genin duty now. That is, if you'll pass him despite his... unique circumstances."

"That's all up to his skills, after all, there is one more test he has to pass before he truly becomes a genin."

* * *

><p>"Thought you failed?" Shikamaru asked the newest entrant to the classroom.<p>

"Nah, I took the awesome way to get the headband," Naruto said as he swaggered to the seat and awaited his team assignments.

"Team 7: Haruno Sakura, Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto - jonin-sensei is Hatake Kakashi."

He shrugged; hopefully his new teammates would get their act together now that they had the forehead protector.

* * *

><p>Oddly enough, he didn't seem too surprised that the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox of legend and Kurama were one and the same.<p>

The fact that he had been the one to save the fox was.

"What happened, Kurama?" Naruto asked as he spent his nightly hour visiting his tenant. "Used to have so much trouble with ninjutsu, but now I can use them, no problem."

"Consider it my way of paying your debt; your chakra system just needed a little jump-starting."

"Well, uh, thanks."

"It is not a big deal."

"So, uh, what do you want to talk about?"

* * *

><p><em>Am I dying?<em>

_Is this... death?_

_The sword sliced cleanly through me._

_I thought I could hold the transformation well enough for me to deflect that sword, somehow._

_It doesn't matter anymore._

**FIRE.**

_Nothing does._

**BURN.**

_Anymore._

**KILL.**

**_The seal's dimensional stability is tied into the host's chakra system... that much I know from my previous host... which is why I ended up here._**

_**That's modification of...**_

_**...actual PHYSICAL modification?**_

_**It's where the quakes come from.**_

_**So that's it.**_

A silhouette of something Kurama knew were limited to the Koryuu mountains filled the space of the seal, but unlike the creatures that made those mountains their lair, so much more untapped potential lay within the silhouette.

It was here that the fox saw the irony of the whole thing, but there was no time. This wouldn't slow the boy down, not if he willed it so.

_**Come on, boy, stand up! Live! Fulfill your promises! Rise to what you truly are!**_ Kurama shouted to the stirring boy in the seal's space.

_Oh..._

_yeah..._

_...the mission,_ he said as his eyes opened.

_My teammates... ugh, even Sasuke._

_Gotta stand up... gotta keep going._

The eyes of fox and host met.

_**What is this feeling? Is this what their kind calls fear?**_

The boy stood to his feet and called on the power his brush with death awakened.

And a legend walked the earth once more.

* * *

><p>"Okay, this wasn't part of the deal," Kakashi said as soon as the Water Prison dropped; Momochi Zabuza simply gaped at the red... creature with blue horns giving him a curious and hostile glance.<p>

And then said red creature reared up, opened its mouth, and **BLASTED** a river of flame at the hapless missing-nin.

* * *

><p>"<strong>THAT<strong> was not a resident of Mount Koryu," Zabuza said, wincing as Haku rubbed healing cream all over his burns. "Shit, shit, shit. Who knew that damn burst of fire could overpower even my strongest water jutsu?"

"A resident of Mount Koryu?" Haku asked. "But we only ran into people with bloodline limits that gave them odd horns."

"Those are the ones whose bloodline doesn't actually manifest. The higher ones can change form... it's what they call the Legendary Dragons."

"So one of the genin you fought was a Legendary Dragon?"

"Hell no!" Zabuza exclaimed, yelping as his burns acted up again. "You weren't there, Haku. You didn't see its eyes. That... thing threw around KI casually that makes mine look like an Academy Student's... and that damn breathing fire trick! Shit!"

"So are we still going to go after the bridge builder?" Haku whispered.

"You remember the time we tried for the Dragon Blade?"

Haku nodded. "That bad?"

"No," Momochi Zabuza answered, grimacing in pain as he reached for his pack and withdrew several explosive tags. "Worse. Take Gato out, rob him blind, and let's blow this joint."

* * *

><p>If Hyuuga Neji truly believed in Fate, Fate would be telling him that beating his cousin to within an inch of her life just to prove a point was a very bad idea.<p>

Uzumaki Naruto was his worst matchup imaginable... and after he had hit the boy with his secret technique, Neji thought his fate was to win and show this Orange Genin that once a dead-last, always a dead-last.

Unfortunately, Naruto brushed off the Hakke Rokyuujuon Sho like it was nothing, grinned evilly... and flared out an unknown energy outward.

When the dust settled, Naruto had transformed.

A winged and horned humanoid colored various shades of gold smirked at Hyuuga Neji with piercing blue eyes... and then swooped to the attack.

"Winner, Uzumaki Naruto!" the announcer said, and Neji was just glad it was over... now if only someone would pry his contorted form from the arena wall, that would be slightly better.

Neji's consciousness left him, thinking this was all a bad dream...

* * *

><p>Poor Neji. Sometimes I wish he was just blown away, but again, Hinata asked Naruto not to, so there.<p>

The title is another reference... a cookie if you get it.


	6. Chapter 5: Another Calling

Consider this my take on "The Hollow God".

Minus the suck, the fanwanking, and everything else.

**Warning:** Minor Shunsui Kyoraku and Zaraki Kenpachi bashing (read: it's high time those two jobbed at least once - no one here should bat a thousand, shonen mechanics or not). Ease your worries as this is integral to the plot.

* * *

><p><strong>Another Calling<strong>

* * *

><p>"Hey there."<p>

"Who are you?"

"I... I don't know."

"That smell... you're a Hollow, too!"

"I... yes, I am a Hollow. More than a Hollow. The years have been unkind to me. What is your name, little girl?"

"My name? Please, sir, there is no time, please help my friend..."

"Is he in trouble?"

"He's fighting a shinigami captain... and he's in trouble..."

A sniff in the air.

Familiar scents.

Hollows.

Spirit particles.

Blood.

"Starrk."

"Coyote Starrk."

**No.**

* * *

><p>It happened too fast for anyone to perceive. One moment, Shunsui Kyoraku was about to finish off the Primera Espada Coyote Starrk... and the next, he was laying ass-over-teakettle on the sands of Hueco Mundo.<p>

The captain swung his head to the odd source of reiatsu that had appeared from out of nowhere, and his heart dropped as his dark eyes met slitted purple. He made to activate his Shikai, but found out that he could not move.

"Focused reiatsu pressure. Old Hollow trick," the newcomer said calmly and evenly, his gaze flitting from the man whose wrist he held to the other Shinigami and Arrancar on the battlefield nearby. "A captain... a Shinigami captain. Fascinating... this game is getting curiouser and curiouser."

Starrk had his pistols ready to fire, but the man raised his free hand.

"No," he said. "The irony is palpable. Hollows kill as first resort; Shinigami slay as last resort. So what have we here?"

"Espada," the incapacitated captain coughed out.

A wave of concentrated spiritual pressure crested around the new entrant, stopping everyone in their tracks.

"Starrk," he said. "It's Lilynette."

His eyes widened.

"She called me here to save you."

"Then you know this fight is to the end," Starrk said. "You know how this goes, fox child."

"I have not been a fox child for so long, Starrk," the young man said, "and as I slumbered underneath the sands of Hueco Mundo, I came to realize a truth about myself, the truth that kept me from my full potential."

"What truth are we talking about?"

"That here, I am the monster... and the fox is my jailor."

The Shinigami captain took that opportunity to try and make a move with his unsealed soul cutter, but found that nothing happened.

"Your sword is annoying," the former fox child said, not bothering to turn toward his would-be attacker, "and while I have kept the Arrancar from striking you down, why strike at my back?"

"It's the game."

"No game is worth this."

Another focused reiatsu flex, and the Shinigami captain screamed in pain as he was squeezed by a tail of blazing orange reiatsu that formed from the strange man's aura.

"And did I mention your sword is a whiny, arbitrary, frivolous piece of scrap metal?"

"Scrap-?"

A flash, and the Shikai was dispelled, leaving Shunsui on the ground and his heavily dented swords plunged to the sands near him.

"I just gave your sword a little attitude adjustment," the man said to the groaning Shinigami captain, "if I see him starting something again, I'll break him. You feel me, Shinigami?"

"Y...yes."

He smiled. "Great. I'll be taking Starrk and Lilynette and leaving. You can call for help in ten minutes. Don't worry, that reiatsu flex just scrambled your ability to use reiatsu for awhile."

A wave, and the strange man walked away. "I hope I don't see you again, Shinigami."

* * *

><p>The three Arrancar took their time in walking across the sands of Hueco Mundo, ignoring the battles and just carving the most relaxed route to Las Noches as possible.<p>

"I..." Starrk began, "I'm pretty good at being an Espada, and at fighting... but I was never any good at saying 'thank you'."

The red-haired man with the odd facial markings and slitted purple eyes smiled. "You're always welcome, Starrk... Lilynette. I could never turn my back on the first true friends I made in this place. I also owe you an apology."

Realization dawned over Coyote Starrk's eyes as he remembered what the redhead was apologizing for, and he chuckled. "Apology accepted," he said. "It wasn't that long ago when you decided to sneak in Seireitei to find that Shinigami for some reason or other that we never really found out. I do believe Lilynette and I found him."

"I did, too, but before I could make a move, I was found and chased out of Soul Society." He let out a pained breath he didn't know he held. "I thought I had it, even learned their Bankai just to break even, but as it turned out, they had centuries of experience to draw on and even stronger weapons. So, I wandered here, broken and wounded, and decided to spread my power to the sands around me while I recuperated my strength..."

"That must have been lonely... lonely and sad..." Lilynette sighed, "I can't imagine living for so long like that."

"I got by. My soul cutter is a bigger part of me than any of you think."

"So is that what you mean when you say that you are the one being imprisoned? Aren't you here in front of us?" Lilynette Gingerbuck asked.

"Figure of speech," the man answered, grinning, "Whereas before, I was the one holding the fox's power in check... now, the fox is the one holding me back and stopping my power from growing too great to control..."

"Isn't that right, Kyuumaru?"

In the mental world, a great fox with nine tails sighed as it raised its head from its slumber.

_**"Yes and yes."**_

* * *

><p>"Name and business in Seireitei?"<p>

"My name is Uzumaki Naruto. I come to challenge Zaraki Kenpachi."

"Is this challenge for the 11th Division captain spot?"

"No, it's personal."

"Your loss, kid. This way to the Eleventh Division."

* * *

><p>The captain couldn't believe it. He was defeated.<p>

Defeated.

"...and now that I have won, you have no choice but to follow my demand. There are four Arrancar trapped in that gut of yours. Either you let Unohana-san do the procedure, or I do it, right here, right now."

He flashed the 11th Division captain a smile so dazzling that it shut his eyes.

"Your choice."

After he nodded, the young man extended an arm to the captain.

"Thank you," he said.

"Oh no," Naruto answers. "It is I who should thank you."

* * *

><p>Eyes opened.<p>

An eternity in the stomach of the Death God had finally reached his end.

When the glare had subsided, he could not believe it. The young man's hair was red and streaked with orange, purple eyes had slits, and he could sense a maelstrom of power whirling within him.

But the whisker marks were still there, the smile that never failed to brighted his day, and though an eternity had passed, nothing had seemed to change.

"Heya, jiji. What's up, dad?"

* * *

><p>NarutoBleach AU where Naruto ends up a Hollow, does things, and basically runs the Las Noches asylum after Aizen is sealed. Oh, and he has help from the First all the way to the Fourth Hokage.


	7. Chapter 6: From One Mess To Another

_Foreword:_ you'll probably recognize the crossover by the second snippet at most.

* * *

><p><em><strong>From One Mess To Another<strong>_

* * *

><p>The man glared at Naruto, a self-assured, arrogant, and evil look that said a lot about how he simply took what he wanted and destroyed anything in his way.<p>

_Those eyes,_ Naruto thought with immense disdain. _Even the Nine-Tails' has a spark of something in them. This is nothing but evil._

An hour had passed since his 'accident' while trying to perfect the Fourth's trademark Hiraishin no Jutsu, and it had been nonstop combat, all the time. Some... demons, he supposed, had set upon him the instant he hit the ground. From that point onward, instinct took over, and Uzumaki Naruto had carved a trail of corpses from where he landed all the way to the fortress, a structure the demons were apparently planning to take.

He smelled gunpowder and looked over his shoulder. _They were going to do the same thing in that ridiculously long book Ero-sennin had me read during downtime,_ Naruto thought. _An explosive meant to level a fortress - this has got to stop!_

Wrapping a kunai's handle with an explosive tag, Uzumaki Naruto then stabbed the unfortunate dolt who stood in his way, and then he tossed the kunai to where he knew it would make the most damage upon landing.

One hand sign later, what was a single kunai sailing through the air was now a fleet of metallic death that darkened the sky. They looked, they marveled...

...and in many brilliant explosions, they died.

Thus we come back to the now, where our hero Uzumaki Naruto had fought nonstop upon his failed jutsu attempt, stopped an invasion, and is now staring at the leader of the invasion face-to-face.

"So, you're the little twerp who's trying to stop me," the man said, motioning for his assistant - looked like some sort of magic user to Naruto, but he had his hands at the ready, he wouldn't be outgunned. "What are you going to do with that dinky little knife of yours?"

He didn't answer, and instead charged headlong into the fight, beginning with a kunai thrown with a flash tag attached. The magician threw fireballs at the tag, thinking it was explosive, and a flash of light with a loud bang threw everyone off balance.

By the time it wore off, the spellcaster now had another smile crudely carved across his throat and was collapsing to the dirt.

_Good for you,_ Naruto thought before turning to their leader, _Kabuto-lookalike._

Said leader had now called upon the remnants of his forces to cover his retreat.

_So he leads when things are going easy and runs when shit hits the fan. Typical,_ Naruto thought. _But I've got just the right going-away present to give you, believe it!_ He called on a shadow clone and started molding chakra in a spherical shape, eyes focused on the retreating general and the path his technique would take when finished. The onrushing throng didn't know what was coming, but when the sphere started to grow as large as the boy, they knew then and there that they were well and truly fucked in the ass.

**"OODAMA RASENGAN!"** bellowed the blonde, sending the big ball of death rushing forward with a chakra-powered dropkick. The clone he made kept feeding chakra into the ball until it dissipated, and it grew larger the more momentum it gained.

The big ball of instant death pulped anything living in its path, its surface quickly becoming red as the blood of its victims began to coat it. Naruto could see in the distance that the retreating general only had time to look back before the Fourth Hokage's other trademark jutsu turned him into chunky salsa, and then he smiled.

"All done, Boss! Sector Alpha, clear!" a Shadow Clone shouted before dispelling.

"Sector Bravo clear!"

"Charlie's all cleared out!"

"Clear here in Delta!"

"Echo's taken care of. No hostiles sensed."

And with the thought that at long last he can let his guard down, Naruto looked at the results of his nonstop hour or so of battle, and shuddered. "Okay, big battle, taken care of. Enemy forces, driven back. Now the big question is, where in the world am-"

He never got to finish his sentence as a blade suddenly flashed in front of his throat, stopping barely inches from injury.

The wielder was a young woman with the same blonde hair and blue eyes as he did, sporting a light suit of armor... and as he turned around to see identical swordswomen taking stances toward him, there was only one thing he could think of.

_**What the hell are these women wearing?**_

* * *

><p>"My liege," the blonde woman began, "we found this boy on the outskirts of the city. He says he's from a place called the Land of Fire, and that he was fighting against an unknown force before being brought here."<p>

"...and I'm telling you - ow, don't drag my collar like that! Jeez - I really did do all that damage! Don't you believe me?" the boy asked.

"We'll be the judge of that," another sword-wielding woman said.

"He speaks the truth," the woman seated at the throne said. Naruto couldn't believe it - even in places like Otafuku Gai or Crater City, the red-lantern people didn't dress this way! "His eyes do not lie."

"But, my liege," the blonde said, but stopped when the pink-haired woman on the throne raised a hand.

"Enough, Alicia," the 'liege' said, before turning to the boy. "What is your name?"

"Uzumaki Naruto, genin of Konoha and future Hokage, believe it!"

* * *

><p>Somewhere in Fire Country, the Toad Sage stopped his searching of his apprentice, clenched his fist dramatically and let out the widest and most perverted grin he could - all with tears most manly coursing down his weathered cheeks.<p>

_Even if you might not find your way back here, my godson,_ he thought, _you are in good hands. Very good and very shapely hands._

His thoughts from then on out were how his godson was the luckiest bastard in the Elemental Countries.

Believe it.

* * *

><p><strong>note:<strong> Yes, this is EXACTLY what you think this is. No badly-done romance, no contrived situations, just a Hiraishin gone awry, and Naruto ends up with a freaking **COUNTRY** full of beautiful women.

Whoever guesses the crossover wins a cookie.

(Besides, if Naruto can be crossed over with Manyuu Hikenchou and La Blue Girl, why not this? And that's all the hints I'll be giving you. Nyah-nyah! :p)


	8. Chapter 7: Naruto's Magnificent Seven

_disclaimer:_ Naruto and a certain children's card game isn't mine. Also, the name of the Daimyo's son is a dead giveaway :)

* * *

><p><em><strong>Naruto and the Magnificent Seven<strong>_

* * *

><p>"I don't suppose you'd give me an explanation as to your presence here," Sarutobi Hiruzen began, starting the conversation with a man in red armor - reminiscent of the Shodai Hokage - standing ramrod-straight in front of the Sandaime's desk.<p>

"I'm not to mince words with you, Sarutobi-sama," the man said. "Konoha has taken significant losses with the attack. I'm here to personally deliver supplies from my territories that you'll undoubtedly need for the near future."

"How about we cut the diplomatic double-talk and you tell me why you're really here, Otomo Shien?"

The man grinned. "My friends have picked up the most disturbing of rumors. A man in black with an orange mask and a spinning red eye, summoning the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox of legend, and then the man we know as the Yellow Flash, using every bit of his strength and cunning to defeat it. The smell of death, a newborn child. Ordinary people cannot be counted on to still their wagging tongues, Hokage-sama."

A smile bloomed on the wizened Hokage's face as he now began to see the true face of the boy who once wanted to be a ninja, but had to carry on his father's legacy. And now, his words had brought with them the weight of experience... and knowledge that he should not have.

"Your wayward friend desires the child to be a weapon. I agree - but to a certain point. This is the boy's destiny. Conflict is inevitable with his circumstances. Will you mold him to be someone who can take that destiny head-on and emerge victorious?" Shien asked.

"The northern provinces of Fire Country," the Hokage whispered, "you're really serious about taking advantage of this, aren't you?"

"Not to any overt degree, no," Shien answered. "My counselor tells me that a great amount of unrest is in the horizon. Father is a good leader, but he was always more of a bureaucrat than a warrior. Thankfully, the succession is all but secured."

"How many years?"

"Three to four."

Minutes passed as both men were deep in thought of the implications of what would be a decision that would shape both their futures significantly. The light summer breeze fluttered into the office windows, carrying the suspicious scent of the Hokage's ANBU bodyguards into the nostrils of the daimyo's eldest son...

"Will you hide his legacy from him, for his protection?"

Shien tried to hide a smile - this was a lot easier than he thought.

"I cannot promise you that, Hokage-sama, but I will promise you that should he know, it will be to drive himself to be better than anyone."

"You, me, the Yellow Flash, the best of the Uzumaki... no, he has what it takes to be better than the best of us combined."

"I'll send an ANBU to look after him."

"If you recall him here, I'll have a bodyguard set up for him."

Shien extended his hand, and the Hokage took it.

"I do believe we have a deal," the Sandaime declared.

"Indeed we do," the Daimyo's son replied.

* * *

><p>"Who are you?" the girl whispered after being yanked abruptly into the bushes by yet another stranger.<p>

"Stay close to me," the boy whispered to her, his blue eyes glowing eerily in the moonlight, the calm of his voice soothing the growing panic within her.

The girl had been awakened rather roughly, finding herself tied up and slung in a cloth bag - she had struggled, but it was through the familiar whoosh of steel that was a sword being swung and her sudden fall that she was able to push outward with the help of an adrenaline rush born of panic.

It was then that she was grabbed once more, by a boy about her age, wearing a plain men's kimono, off-white hakama, zori and tabi - hiding in the bushes close to where she had fallen.

By the time she had regained her senses somewhat, she saw the sword tucked into the boy's waist, looking a lot more like a tanto than the katana she usually saw on the daimyo's samurai guard.

"Are you-"

"Ssh. Someone's coming," the boy whispered, and they spent a harrowing few minutes in the grass, not making a sound - even their breathing was as slow and quiet as they could make it.

Suddenly the grass shifted, and a man with long gray hair and an eyepatch peered through.

"Kid," he began. "Knew you'd take cover. You found the girl?"

"Yes, sensei," the boy said, his right arm reaching toward the girl, but instead of the girl, he whipped out his miniature sword in one fluid motion, and **thrust**.

The henge wore off almost instantly, after which a ninja wearing an incredulous look on his face - from being stabbed through the heart - and wearing the headband of Kumogakure, fell down, dead.

"Naru-kun!" a yell came from some distance away. "You all right?"

"Mizu-nee!" the boy yelled back. "I need some cover back here!"

With barely a nod, the veiled woman quickly darted to where she heard the boy.

"Good as good?" she asked, right after she felt his familiar presence.

"Good as good," the boy answered, the girl looking on in horror - he was barely four years old, and he'd already nonchalantly stabbed a Kumo-nin to death! "Um, Mizu-nee..."

"We'll talk about it later," Mizu-nee answered the boy before turning to the gobsmacked girl, "I'm part of the retinue of the Candidate Daimyo. My name's Mizuho. What's yours?"

"Hi-Hinata..." the girl replied, tears beginning to fall down her face as she began to understand just what was going on.

"We'll take you home now, okay? Naruto-kun and I will look after you."

* * *

><p>"So is our very own baby all grown up enough to leave the nest?"<p>

"Shut up, Irou."

The man in black only laughed harder, if that was to be believed. The blonde boy walked through the streets of Konoha, his fellow teammate and friend accompanying him in the required tour of ninja duty all members of the newly-crowned Daimyo's retinue had to have.

"Which reminds me, Zan and Kamon just finished their six months in the Fire Temple. We'll be seeing them right after you're done here."

"Irou, I don't think I'll ever be done here. Based on the last time I talked with Shien-no, Daimyo-sama, he may have wanted me to settle down here."

"But that can't be right!" Irou exclaimed. "We're the best of his personal guard. The Magnificent Seven. Heck, you're the only one here who'd been taught how to use a sword before you could even walk, for the love of the Kami."

"I don't presume to know Daimyo-sama's thoughts, only that something's coming. I, no, we all need to be prepared," the boy said, his blue eyes burning with intensity as he absently ran his free hand over the whisker marks on one cheek.

Irou grinned. "Spoken just like one of the Seven. So how long will this gig last anyway?"

"For you?" the blonde boy asked. "Maybe six months or so. Zan would probably be next. Nisashi could, too."

"Ah, screw it," the samurai retorted, spinning his sheathed blade around before carrying it on both his shoulders. "I'll just enjoy myself here while I can, Naru-chibi."

"Enjoy? I'll enjoy watching sensei beat the ever-loving crap out of you if you end up losing your edge here, of all places," Naruto replied with a mischievous grin.

"Spoilsport," was all Irou could say, his enthusiasm well and properly curbed by the thought of facing off against that damn old-timer with the eyepatch.

"That's just how it is. I think that's the Ninja Academy. Come on, Irou."

As the boy and his fellow samurai walked into the Konoha Ninja Academy, another conversation was being held elsewhere.

"He's a fine sight," the ANBU muttered, "those samurai would have probably beaten their twice-damned bushido into him already. Not much better than that other happy fun club for ninja your old friend runs."

"Rest easy, Hyena," the Hokage said, "for all that he appears as a samurai, he has spent his formative years under a former jonin of mine. You may know her as the Hand."

The ANBU's posture suddenly straightened. Everyone who was someone in Konoha knew about the deeds of the assassin known only by her alias: the Hand. "So, when we thought the Hyuuga heiress was...?"

"That was the Hand's work. So no, Hyena, the boy's already well on his way to becoming the best of both damn worlds."

The ANBU tried to hold back a snicker, but failed miserably. "Say, isn't that..."

"Some people have vivid memories of their heroes, that's all," the Hokage said, likewise letting out a chuckle.

* * *

><p>There was a class of disbelieving genin-to-be that simply gaped as the new arrival marched into the front of the teacher's table and bowed.<p>

"My name is Uzumaki Naruto, and I was sent here by the Daimyo of Fire Country to learn the ninja arts. Please take care of me."

When his head had returned to level, he noticed a girl wearing a beige jacket seem to shrink further into herself.

_Dark hair, pale eyes?_ Naruto thought. _That night, when I killed for the very first time... Could it be that girl?_

He shook off the questions for later as he ambled over to a seat near where a rather feral kid was currently sniffing him.

"That smell..." the boy began. "Is that your blood?"

"Some of it, yeah."

"Sweet," the feral boy replied, giving him a prominently fanged grin. "Inuzuka Kiba. This guy's Akamaru. Don't bother introducing yourself, I already heard ya."

* * *

><p>So basically, we have a Naruto raised by samurai royalty, trained in both the arts of the samurai and ninja (Mizuho, Hand, silent killing), and general awesomeness will ensue.<p>

Plus, this way we get to see Chunin Exam Invasion ownage by the gang.

Orochimaru's not gonna like what he sees.

P.S. Cookies to whoever gets the other references. Also, the last name Otomo is a shout-out to Otomo no Otomaro, the first general to be given the rank of "Sei-i Taishogun" in history.


	9. Chapter 8: Another Calling, part 2

**disclaimer:** You know it already.

This is a continuation of "Another Calling". If the other other crossover won't be plain as day halfway, the last word will cement it.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Another Calling, part 2<strong>_

* * *

><p>Chad and the Quincy had their weapons at the ready even as the portal hadn't fully opened. To think that so quickly after the sealing of Aizen, the Arrancar would mount another attack on Karakura?<p>

"Easy, I'm not here to cause mischief," a reassuring voice said as someone stepped out of the Garganta.

As the gate to Hueco Mundo closed behind him, the two defenders of Karakura took a good look at the new arrival: instead of the white ensemble most Arrancar were known for, he was wearing an orange jacket and black pants. His Hollow hole was likewise nowhere to be found, but that wasn't what the two ryoka found odd.

Despite his wildly orange hair (kinda reminded them of Ichigo) and slitted purple eyes, the new arrival exuded no malice whatsoever, instead wearing a truly happy smile on his face - and his reiatsu exerting a firm, but gentle pressure on the two of them. The eyes, plus the six whisker marks on both sides of his face gave his smile a rather vulpine quality.

"If you guys don't mind, would you please accompany me to the shop of Urahara Kisuke?"

* * *

><p>"So, that's why," the proprietor of the Urahara Shoten said. "I'd never expect anyone to defeat Kenpachi that easily, but apparently, you've been doing your homework, Naruto-kun."<p>

"Yes," the orange-haired Arrancar named Naruto answered, "which brings me here. You have a few specialized gigai, right? Strongest reiatsu limiters in your arsenal, plus an emergency soul transport to Las Noches should the gigai take a mortal injury?"

"Everything's here, according to your specifications. I do believe we haven't stumbled upon the topic of payment..."

"...but that won't be necessary," a female voice continued. "You realize your sojourn into Soul Society has somehow opened their eyes, do you not?"

Naruto shook his head. "There was only one objective in my mind at that point. Well, four, if you're willing to be technical about it."

"Ah yes, Yoruichi," Urahara replied, "Word around the campfire is, Kenpachi-taicho has started training with Unohana-taicho. Shunsui-taicho is back in the training fields too. If I were you, Naruto-kun, I would not want to return to Soul Society, those two will want their rematch."

"Maybe... when things have quieted down back in Las Noches, I'll take them up on their offer," Naruto answered with a chuckle. "Tell Kenpachi-san I had a lot of fun battling him."

"Will do," the former Shinigami captain said, "by the way, you do know that a Hollow spending enough time in proximity to a Shinigami's reiatsu becomes a Vizard, don't you?"

Naruto nodded. "It's one way Hollows evolve to Arrancar. Say, you don't mind providing escorts for my... predecessors, in a way, for when they'll be in this world?"

"What would your... colleagues be doing here, anyway?"

"Not just them," Naruto answered with a smile, "I'll be going back to school, too. Oh, and here's your payment."

* * *

><p>Time passed in the Human World as Uzumaki Naruto and the four Arrancar he freed from the gut of Zaraki Kenpachi took to life back in the human world quite easily.<p>

The two Senju brothers took it upon themselves to learn urban planning and management, intent upon taking those skills back with them to Las Noches for expanding and renovating the city of Arrancar... and the athletic teenager tasked to look over them learned a few things from the two former Hokage, too.

Sarutobi Hiruzen, on the other hand, took up modern educational theories, as he had started a school for younger Hollows that evolved to Arrancar earlier than usual. As it turned out, he looked after the rather flighty girl appointed as his bodyguard more than the other way around.

Namikaze Minato read up on military organization and leadership, to build a force to defend Las Noches from Hollow attack. The Quincy found him an odd mix of traits - at school and in training, he was all business, but out of both, he was perhaps an even bigger dork than Ichigo Kurosaki.

Lastly, Uzumaki Naruto went to high school, because he had made the same mistake in his afterlife as his previous life. Besides, if he wanted to be the best mayor Las Noches ever knew, he had to know how to be a mayor, and the orange-haired youth seemed a little surly, but was friendly when you got to know him.

However, he would have to take a breather from his studies for a moment, as his mobile phone began ringing. With a sigh, Naruto picked up the phone, specifically made by Urahara for communication between Las Noches and the human world, where he was currently studying for finals.

"Uzumaki here," he said.

"It's Harribel," the voice replied back, Naruto's eyes widening as he caught the heavy undercurrent of fear in the Arrancar's voice. "You need to come back now. Bring Namikaze-sama with you, too."

"Dad?" Naruto asked. They never asked for his father unless...

His eyes darkened. "Tell me everything. Now."

She did.

As soon as the line went dead, he dialed another number.

"Namikaze."

"Dad, it's me. We've got trouble."

Click.

With a flash of yellow light, the gigai holding the Arrancar Namikaze Minato appeared in Naruto's study.

"Garganta ready?"

Naruto nodded, and before anyone could blink, the two gigai crumpled to the floor as the two Arrancar sped back to home, to take care of today's newest crisis.

* * *

><p>Uzumaki Naruto, the current mayor of Las Noches, was standing on the dunes of northwestern Hueco Mundo, finger to the wind, eyes with square pupils, feeling for the reiatsu signatures of his subordinate's subordinates.<p>

Something about the odd reiatsu flare right before the fraccion's aura fizzled out bothered him greatly, more than the fact that he had to run interference while his father - it kind of ticked Minato off that Naruto still referred to him as Yondaime-sama during formal occassions - would warp in, pick them up, and warp right back to Las Noches' infirmary via his trademark Flying Thunder God Technique.

There was something in the reiatsu that seemed... equal to his. Almost as if the Vasto Lorde lurking in the northwest sands of Hueco Mundo was a jinchuriki like he was... almost, but not quite.

The idea that maybe this Vasto Lorde-class Hollow could evolve into an Arrancar in the same way he did escaped him as he remembered the names of Harribel's girls Friday.

_Apache, Sun-Sun, and Mila Rose,_ Naruto thought. _Nice girls, though a bit too impulsive. Jiji has his hands full with them during his lessons. I hope I wasn't that bad when I was a kid._

He grinned as he sifted through older, happier memories. Not that being the mayor of Las Noches was all grim and dark, but sometimes nostalgia colors your frame of thinking...

...there.

He found their reiatsu signature, and upon dispelling his zanpakuto's ability, hefted his sword and took off in a Sonido.

* * *

><p>Uzumaki Naruto saw them - lying on top of one another, bleeding from superficial cuts, with only Apache conscious enough to communicate with.<p>

"I heard from Harribel. What happened?" Naruto asked as soon as he was in visual range. Because who or whatever attacked them could strike at any time, Naruto had a very limited radius from where to emit his reiatsu, but as soon as he did, the three Arrancar responded.

"Rumors... monster... investigate... Vasto..." she whispered as a trickle of blood ran down the side of her mouth. _Internal injuries. Whoever did this to Harribel's fraccion is dangerous. No wonder she asked for Dad._

"I know," Naruto replied, reassuring her. "Help is on the way." _I'll need to draw the rumor... wait, did she say rumor? If that's the case..._

He took up a stance and faced the night sky.

_...I'll have to draw it out myself... with the language all Hollows know by heart._

"I'm already here!" Naruto shouted to the night. "You want a fight, don't you? I'm here, I'm willing, I'm ready. Don't bother with those three, they're small fry. Let me get them out of here, then we'll have the fight you want. Come on!"

Minutes after his declaration, a heavy pressure descended upon the desert sands. In their state, the three fraccion would have been crushed and blown away completely by it, but Naruto was there, neutralizing it with his own reiatsu flare. His eyes narrowed as a winged horror strode into view, the swirling sands partially obscuring it: grayish wings sprouted from its shoulders, yellow eyes leveled at him, one misshapen arm dragging a gigantic sword along the sands of Hueco Mundo as it took measured steps towards Naruto.

"That's right, I'm here to fight you. They're not your enemies now, I am. Stop screwing around and let them go. I'm more of your match; don't deprive yourself of the chance. Come on."

His purple eyes flashed crimson.

"Let's dance, already."

He got no warning except for the Vasto Lorde opening its mouth before soundlessly charging, the sword in both its hands now as it swung.

Fast, but Naruto knew how Hollows generally operated. It was always the initial frontal attack, designed to intimidate opponents and thus ending the fight quickly. He grunted and used Sonido to flank the Hollow, unsheathing his sword and using his "surprise attack" to swing the Hollow's attention around, the winged creature blocking his powerful but telegraphed strike and readying a riposte of its own.

"Yondaime-sama, do it now!" Naruto shouted, and with a flash of yellow light, the three Fraccion were gone.

A frustrated swing against Naruto's guard was what came next, and the sheer force of the blow sent him rolling along the dunes. As he pulled himself up, the hairs on the back of his neck stood up as he brought more reiatsu into bear to level with his opponent.

_Shouldn't the monster be screaming?_ Naruto asked himself, but could spare no more thoughts, as the monster was onto him, raining blows at incredible speed despite the sheer size of the sword it carried.

* * *

><p>In Las Noches, everyone was on edge and awaiting news of the battle as their blonde Information Officer was seated cross-legged on the floor.<p>

"How's Naruto doing?" a goateed man said as he entered the room of sensors.

"He's holding his own well enough, Sarutobi-sama," Namikaze Minato said. "Turns out the legends these Arrancar were whispering about were true... this Silver-Winged Horror is indeed of the Vasto Lorde class..."

"...but my son's stronger."

"How do you know?" Harribel asked.

"Because of who he is," the former Yondaime Hokage enigmatically answered.

* * *

><p>It was easy enough to goad the Silver-Winged Horror into gradually using more power - by calling on just a hair over its power, Naruto managed to keep the fight close while dictating the tempo of their battle. However, as Naruto guessed correctly, the Vasto Lorde grew stronger, faster, and fiercer as the battle raged on - slowly but surely, the wings began to shrink as the Hollow's reiatsu began to condense and stabilize...<p>

_...Just as I thought,_ Naruto mused with a smile as a hazy form began to materialize from within the monster even as it attacked. _It's just the same case with me - I'll need to call enough reiatsu for my Resureccion Segunda, and the resulting mix of Shinigami and Hollow power will complete its transformation to Arrancar._

Meanwhile, a thousand miles away, Urahara Kisuke was grinning. "I don't believe it," he muttered, "Naruto knew. One wisp of its power and he knew. I think he's trying to evolve the thing he's fighting into an Arrancar."

"Is that a bad thing?" Yoruichi asked, her voice distorted because of her cat form.

"Bad?"

Urahara's grin turned malevolent, almost as if he knew some private joke.

"It's going to be **hilarious**."

* * *

><p>Back in Hueco Mundo, the monster seemed to know what Naruto wanted to do, thus the Hollow was on him, swinging even stronger, faster, and more skillfully, such that he could barely get a strike in.<p>

_Such strength and control! For a Vasto Lorde to be this poised in battle... what could this thing have been in life for it to be like this in the afterlife?_

The question remained unanswered between the former Nine-Tailed Demon Fox and its wielder, as he called on more of his own reserves of power to even with his opponent.

Sleek nodachi met gigantic two-handed sword in a shower of sparks and reiatsu, and for a moment, Naruto gaped.

_Is this... Hollow smiling at me?_

The beast got the advantage of that exchange, flinging Naruto back easily. However, the Arrancar didn't waste a moment, resheathing his sword and taking up an iaijutsu stance, meant to redirect his opponent's momentum and use it against the humongous sword it wielded.

_The last bit before Hollows of this type stabilize completely is a big release of reiatsu. Even I remember how I became an Arrancar. A fight, my opponent tossed a fuckhuge Cero at me, and after the smoke cleared, I was Uzumaki Naruto again._

The orange-haired swordsman grinned, and his soul cutter let out an exasperated sigh.

_**You always go for overkill.**_

_Don't you like that?_

_**One's taste for... extravagance wears thin after so long. Especially now, that I am managing your power, compared to our time in the living world.**_

_Fine, I'll scale it just right, Kurama!_

After a powerful iaido maneuver sent the winged Hollow backward, Naruto brought back his hand and started molding reiatsu in a practiced manner.

Back in Las Noches, the Yondaime quirked an eyebrow.

"Minato-kun, what's going on?"

"Sarutobi-sama, it appears Naruto's as much a chip of the old block as I am."

The two former Hokages grinned, and said at once, "Rasengan."

Apparently, the Hollow felt the rising reiatsu, and doubled back to its opponent, sword poised to hack off its enemy's head. In the moments after he had completed the molding, and saw the Hollow charging, he wondered, why was this Hollow going for decapitation all the time? Zabuza's weapon was a head cleaver; Yagura was a jinchuriki but not a Swordsman, and Bee didn't use a huge two-handed monstrosity...

_...Was this even a jinchuriki?_

_**It's in range!** _Kurama shouted at him, and the world kicked back to high gear as Naruto pointed the spinning red orb at his point-blank opponent, grinned...

**"Cero Torbellino."**

A huge explosion turned night into day for a few moments in the sands of northwestern Hueco Mundo...

* * *

><p>Lillynette Gingerback stopped to look back at where that humongous release of reiatsu came from, and wondered what the mayor of Las Noches was up to.<p>

She prayed that Naruto-kun would be safe, as without him, she and Starrk would not be around to enjoy the second renaissance of Las Noches.

"Lilynette!"

A yell shattered her thoughts, and she turned to the man wearing red armor.

"Yes, Hashirama-sama!"

"Don't worry about the Mayor. He's survived tougher fights on less. We've got our own job to do."

"A-all right."

_Please be safe, Naruto-kun..._

* * *

><p><em><strong>You feel that, swordsman?<strong>_

_Yeah, Kurama... I do..._

_**Your little gambit has succeeded. It appears that Vasto Lorde has finally evolved through your use of that Cero. But...**_

_But what?_

_**Get down!**_

A wave of reiatsu even more potent than before blew the sandstorm away, nearly stopping Naruto where he stood. But just after a moment, the wave stopped.

Upon quickly jogging to the impact point, Naruto was faced with another surprise.

A woman wearing a gray dress was kneeling on the sand, the sword he had so much trouble with lying just beside her. Long blonde hair cascaded down to her waist, and when Naruto took a look at her face, he had to let out a gasp.

The intensity of her expression was only magnified by her pale complexion, but that wasn't what Naruto found odd.

His purple eyes were locked into silver ones.

"Uu-"

She put her hands up to her neck, only to find a hole.

"Uu- Aa- Eee-"

Her attempts to speak failing, she looked at her hands, only to see the same holes on each of her arms.

"Oo- aa- aaaa-"

A scream was about to erupt from a mouth that could not articulate anything but... and just at it began, along with another flare of spiritual pressure, the woman felt a hand on her shoulder.

Somehow, the same reiatsu she had struggled before her transformation had now felt... warm. Welcoming. Almost as if he knew, knew about her life... her life here, as changing into a Hollow turned her into something so powerful that most did not dare edge close to her.

"It's over. Come on, let's go home."

Only a single tear edging down each of her cheeks betrayed the relief she felt.

"You can use your reiatsu to form the air into sounds. I knew a Hollow who could not talk at first because he had the same hole in your throat. Try it."

_We're clear,_ Naruto sent the message back home. _And I'm bringing in a live one._

He could almost hear the cheers of his fellow Arrancar at another success.

"I... uh... I..."

"Takes some getting used to, but you'll get it easily. My name is Naruto."

He extended a hand to the former Silver-Winged Horror, and helped her up.

"What's yours?"

She pulled the collar of her dress up to cover the Hollow hole, and said her first words.

"Te... Te... Teresa..."

* * *

><p>I do believe that what we have here is not a Sword of Damocles, but a Kill-sat of Damocles.<p>

You may nominate me for a Vlad Tepes award as soon as I write what happens to the Vandenreich.

(Author's note: Yes, that is Teresa of the Faint Smile from Claymore.)


	10. Chapter 9: Viceroy of the West, part 2

_author's note:_ none of this is mine, as usual.

* * *

><p><strong>Viceroy of the West, part 2<strong>

* * *

><p>The man walked towards the grave, took a moment to say a silent prayer for the two buried there, and withdrew the sword plunged into the dirt.<p>

_"Gonna borrow this for a bit... Haku. Zabuza. I'll have a better one put back in its place, I promise."_

The cloaked man walked back to the shore, where a makeshift camp was built. A man wearing red armor saw him approach, and Momochi Zabuza's trademark weapon was thrust to his arms.

"Howard."

"Yes, Ambassador?"

"Tell me what you think of the sword."

"Judging by the length of blade and the wear pattern around the hilt, I'd say it's a two-hander. Rather light for its size, though; Seyren won't get a lot out of using Clashing Spiral with this thing. It is magical, of that I am certain. Power was sealed within the material as it was forged, allows it to absorb the blood of that it strikes, keeping the sword sharp... but that's not what you want me to tell you, isn't it, Ambassador?"

"Can you build one just like it?" the Ambassador asked, his eyes lost in memories as he looked at the sword Howard was holding.

"An Executioner-style blade?" the man in red asked, to which the cloaked man then nodded. "The process that allows the sword its blood-drinking ability can easily be duplicated... we have the ore needed, but they have been appropriated for trading..."

"Bandits abound in this country; even more will come when the builders arrive. We shall have the ore we need by then," the Ambassador replied, "thus, your mission now will be to hunt down as many bandits as you can. Demon Country has some monsters you and your team can take down."

"Who shall accompany me?"

"Take Kavach and someone else of your own choosing with you."

"As you command, Ambassador - should I start my hunting before or after I make a copy of this sword?"

"Copy first, Howard... copy first."

"As you command. Armaiya!" the red-armored man called. "We've got work to do. Bring out the anvils."

"Yes, senpai!" a voice cried out in the anchored ship's hold before a blonde skittered out, toting a cart filled with various tools, metals and ores behind her. "I can't believe it, these shorts are way too short, they're riding way up my - oh, my apologies, Ambassador."

"No offense taken," the Ambassador replied, chuckling. "Carry on, Miss Dinze."

"Yes, sir!" she answered cheerily, giving the Ambassador a curtsy before following Howard to the forge; and as the young man spun around, a figure sporting a silvery set of bone armor phased into being.

"Word from Randel and the others. They have finished the business on their side of the world and are en route to our location with the last part of the supplies we'll be needing," the shadowy man said.

"Very good, Eremes," the Ambassador replied. "Murasaki, everything has fallen in step with our time table - we can make our trip to Konohagakure tomorrow."

A ninja wearing unfamiliar garb likewise appeared in a swirl of flower petals. "Sir, we have not yet acquired the backing of the Wave Daimyo."

"Already taken care of. Kathryne and the others just came in with the Daimyo's authorization. Foundations are being laid, business is going according to plan." The Ambassador let out a smile. "We're going to Konoha - find Margaretha; I want this to be a memorable return. Oh, and Eremes? I'll need you and Wickebein. We seem to have made enough racket already."

"Sir, I'm not completely sure why you want to make yourself known. Aren't you prohibited from returning home on pain of death?" Murasaki asked.

"Yes and no," the Ambassador replied as he stepped out of his robes of office and began putting on his combat attire, "they'll welcome the Ambassador of the Schwartzwald Republic with open arms and then collectively shit bricks when they find out that the Ambassador is none other than their prodigal genin Uzumaki Naruto."

"Going for the theatrical flourish, will we, sir?"

"Exactly right," Naruto replied as he strapped the last of the woven protections on his arms, tying it snugly, "it will give me enough time to finish something Baa-chan and Ero-sennin asked me to take care of before dropping me off at Amatsu."

"This business you speak of has something to do with your exile, does it not?"

"Yes, it does," Naruto said as he threw on the white coat that reminded him a lot of his childhood hero the Yondaime, "but how much it has do with my exile, that's what I appointed Eremes and Wickebeine to find out."

"Sir, aside from me, who else will be on your retinue when going to Konoha?"

"We'll be four - aside from Eremes and Wickebeine who'll have to go in on the quiet - me, you, Sir Seyren and Lady Egnigem."

"What about Sir Randall?"

"He'll head up guard duty on the outpost along with the others."

"Ah. I should tell him, then."

"He's in the clearing near Tazuna's house sparring with Egnigem."

"By your leave then, Ambassador."

As Naruto nodded, Murasaki went out the door and left him to his thoughts, of how his new colleagues and comrades went on their own tasks to strengthen themselves.

* * *

><p>"Sir, before you begin your mission... we'd like to take your leave of you," Seyren Windsor began as the newly-appointed Ambassador of the Schwartzwald Republic's Colonial Forces was poring over a set of documents on his office desk.<p>

"Take your leave, but do not take too long in your tasks - the ship to Amatsu will be leaving in a week. What business do you require?"

"Randall and I will be going to Glast Heim."

"Ah. You will be taking the trials?"

"Not just the two of us. You yourself said that we needed to grow stronger."

"That I did," the Ambassador said, "and if you think that I am apprehensive that your absence will somehow compromise my security, I still have Murasaki. And if by some quirk of fate that Murasaki is not enough, I can always protect myself, do I not?"

"...yes, Ambassador."

"Feel free to let your hair down a bit, Sir Seyren," the Ambassador replied, "just making a bit of small talk. In any case, just be sure to make it to the first or second boat leaving the port of Alberta."

The knight saluted smartly, whence the Ambassador stood up and answered with a salute of his own.

"Good luck to all of you. Dismissed."

He sat back down and continued his analysis of the supplies and logistics the long-term operation the Schwartzwald Republic entrusted to him would require.

* * *

><p>"Ambassador!" Murasaki yelled in consternation as the white-masked ninja cut the Schwarzwald Republic official down... only to let out a sigh of relief as that was a log all along.<p>

The masked ninja turned their heads, looking for where their target might be... only for the ground to erupt in sparks as a spear made from pure energy crashed into the ground. All but two of the assailants were caught by the shock wave of that powerful attack, and they who by the luck of the draw managed to remain standing... fled.

"Who wants crispy ninja for dinner? Ohhh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!" a well-built young woman laughed, a tome of arcane lore covering her face as she let out a rather annoying laugh.

"Celia," the Ambassador replied, a bit put out by his Sorceress' quirks.

"Oh, hello, master! Did you like my new and improved Varetyr Spear?"

"I'm sure the Ambassador thinks it's a wonderful spell, Celia," another voice replied as a swirl of flower petals heralded the arrival of Uzumaki Murasaki, the Ambassador's personal guard.

"Murasaki," the Sorceress said, "if I wanted your opinion, I'd ask for a memo. Tellah's arse, you're starting to become more annoying than Kathryne."

"Who's annoying?" a voice piped in, and Celia turned around to see a Warlock behind her, chomping on her ever-present lollipop.

"Guys," the Ambassador said, "if you want to pull that off, I prefer you do it butt naked, in a four-poster bed, with me as the referee. Until then, keep it down. Check this out."

Kathryne Keyron took a few licks of the lollipop she was always seen holding and clicked her tongue. "Botched job on a secret-keeping seal. Your seal makers are, to be speaking kindly, idiots."

"Explain, Kathryne."

"Elementary, my dear Celia," the warlock explained. "What we have here is a seal that prevents our nice captive from telling us anything about who sent him here."

She yanked the white mask off to reveal dark hair, dark eyes, and a pasty complexion. "Signs of mental conditioning, too. This is just below 'Somatology Laboratory' level of reprehensible... but not by much."

"Yeah," the Ambassador said. "My sources told me that these guys are taken in at a young age, indoctrinated, and made to do ops even blacker than what we ran back in Juno."

Eremes gave a sidelong glance at the captive. "So if we can't get anything useful from him, what use is he here?"

"I can think of some things," Gertrude replied, withdrawing a butterfly knife from her cleavage and whipping it open in a oft-practiced maneuver. "Be glad, boy. One of your last sights are these up close."

"Odd," Flamel said, "I sense no physical reaction from him. Anyone with a tenth of a libido would get a rise out of seeing those magnificent mammaries of yours, Gertrude."

"That's because mine are a mix of perfect size and shape, not unlike our Sorceress, who thinks bigger is always better," the Shadow Chaser said with a chuckle. "So. What is your choice, Ambassador?"

The Ambassador's blue eyes started to glow purple as his grin grew feral... even vulpine. "Too bad you showed your face to me, little ninja boy. I may have use for you yet."

* * *

><p>"Tell me," the cloaked ambassador of the Schwartzwald Republic said as he flung the severed head of his would-be assassin toward the Godaime Hokage and her ninja council, "is it really considered good form for you to start ties with Schwartzwald and then send him to try and kill me?"<p>

Eremes Guile suddenly materialized from a corner of the room and pointed a dagger at the crippled member of Konoha's council. "Don't even think about it," the Guillotine Cross whispered menacingly.

Senju Tsunade attempted to move, but apparently the Hokage's office had been sealed with something.

"It's called 'Land Protector'," the Ambassador explained. "As long as it's up, I have home field advantage. Now, are we going to go about this in the conventional manner, or should I just go and start waving Kumogakure's banner?"

Everyone from Konoha shook their heads 'no'.

"That's what I thought..." he said before removing his hood. "Surprise, everybody."

Uzumaki Naruto, Kagerou of Amatsu, and the Ambassador of the Schwartzwald Republic to the Elemental Countries, grinned in his trademark fashion.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Author's Note:<strong>_

**Personalities:**  
>Rune Knight Seyren Windsor - The Hero. Think of DCAU Superman and you have him in a nutshell.<br>Guillotine Cross Eremes Guile - The Lancer and Token Evil Teammate.  
>Mechanic Howard Alt-Eisen - The Stoic. The Gambler. Pretty blatant expy of Kyosuke Nanbu.<br>Ranger Cecil Damon - The Tease. A blatant expy of Excellen Browning.  
>Warlock Kathryne Keyron - Token Mini Moe. Expy of Kokonoe from BlazBlue, often thinks about how to experiment with living beings. Not surprisingly, she gets along often with Flamel.<br>Arch Bishop Margaretha Sorin - A nice girl, but she hits hard.

Royal Guard Randall Lawrence - The Anti-Hero Leader. Think of Code Geass' Zero, and that's basically him.  
>Shadow Chaser Gertrude Wye - Cute But Psycho. Usually suggests horribly gory ways of solving problems.<br>Sorceress Celia Alde - Kathryne's rival. Expy of Naga the White Serpent from Slayers. Cackles like a loon every time a hapless monster gets laid out via her array of elemental spells.  
>Wanderer Trentini - Innocent Fanservice Girl. One wonders how she became a Wanderer with her attitude. Kinda-sorta expy of Naegino Sora from Kaleido Star.<br>Asura Chen Ryuu - Token Mini Moe, male version. Trentini, Celia, and Gertrude usually go into nosebleeds when they see him do something cute. Don't let that fool you though, he packs a killer Hell's Gate.  
>Geneticist Flamel Emoule - Mad Scientist. Anthropomorphized and genderswapped expy of GLaDOS, does all his crazy stuff... FOR SCIENCE. YOU MONSTER. Has periodic dreams where he becomes a potato.<br>Maestro Alphochio Basil - the Rock Star. Carries himself like the frontman of the band, with all the sex, drugs, rock & roll, and trashed hotel rooms.

Knight Egnigem Cenia - A genderswapped Seyren, but sometimes snarks like Randall.  
>Assassin Wickebein Tres - The Nice Girl - for someone who carries a mean pair of katar.<br>Blacksmith Armaiya Dinze - Howard's kouhai. She hates her Blacksmith outfit. She would also rather make metal and weapons rather than fight, but don't underestimate her combat skill.  
>Hunter Kavach Icarus - Cecil's long-suffering apprentice. Expy of Brooklyn Luckfield from SRW.<br>Wizard Laurel Weinder - Only Sane Man in all this craziness. He's Kathryne's apprentice.  
>Priest Erende Ebecee - Priest-in-training under Margaretha. Would have wanted to stay as an Acolyte, but was convinced to job change because he would "get all the girls" if he did.<p> 


	11. Chapter 10: Spy Boy

Note: I'll keep these here until I can find a title for this.

Also, consider this my take on Soul of the Seal: The Ninja Adventures, without the suck and a lot more Corey Hart.

* * *

><p>From darkness… comes light.<p>

Heavy lids opened slowly after what seemed an eternity closed, and the light of a new day assailed his eyes…

"I'm alive… again," the man finally said in a guttural whisper as he stared incredulously to the ceiling of his apartment.

"How am I here? Last I remember, I had finally set it to self-destruct," the man mused aloud, taking stock of his surroundings. "If that's the case, then why have I awoken in this place?"

"And for that matter," he added, "why do I speak my thoughts aloud, even when I don't mean to?"

After putting aside the matter for a later moment, he slowly and painfully pulled himself out of bed, yanking the covers off gingerly as a small part of him knew that if he didn't take it easy, he'd probably rip the satin sheets off in one go.

As he surveyed the gleaming black metal that made up his arms, he was once again reminded of how he didn't ask for any of this – nor did he ever have a chance to.

Still, the day was new, the sun was shining, and there were many things to do today.

Once he was done taking care of his morning rituals, he had pulled on the usual – a skintight vest that felt and served as a second skin to him, and a black coat over that. After deploying his sunglasses with a tap of his forehead, he made to the door…

…only to recoil backwards as a jolt of what appeared to be electricity blasted him from the doorknob.

"That's new," he grunted, suspicion immediately creeping in his voice. "I'm certain I didn't put this light show on my front door."

Deciding to put the shocking door to the test, he eased his hand out towards it… only for a curl of lightning to flash, pushing his hand back.

"Okay, my front door doesn't respond to diplomacy. What now?" he asked aloud, and then his training kicked in. Force, and lots of it, would be his next resort.

Gritting his teeth and rearing back one of his metallic arms, he called on as much bioelectric energy as he could for a punch that could hopefully shatter that electrocuting front door of his.

He tensed, stepped, and swung.

Pain erupted all over his body as the electricity reacted with a fierceness that somehow seemed equivalent to the force he dispensed in trying to punch the door open, and it would be several minutes before he could open his eyes again.

"All right," he muttered after dragging himself back to his feet, "there's got to be another way out of this thing."

He tried opening the windows, but they were pried shut; next, he tried punching them open, only to be repulsed with another jolt of that accursed electricity. Even trying to punch his way through the floor resulted in more electricity when he felt his fist tear through the concrete. What had unnerved him was that after his attempt to demolish his apartment resulted in a powerful flash of electricity that knocked him out cold for several days, he woke up to find his apartment in the same condition as he first found it.

Hours turned to days, and days turned to weeks, and the man continued probing his mind for how and why he was confined here. Could this be another one of those hallucinations people say they had as they went near death? Could he himself be dead, and is this the afterlife's way of punishing him for the things he had to do?

So the days passed, and he entertained himself during his captivity by watching the same old movies on the TV, playing the same old games, and listening to the same old music, all the while drinking, smoking, and taking his medicines religiously.

Midway through assembling yet another clock, the gravity of the situation finally assailed him.

Sometime within the fifth or sixth year of his awakening, suspicion slowly gave way to panic, and as he went and shattered a bottle of wine he kept at the back of his refrigerator, the fear began to escalate around him as the kitchen counter he had chipped from breaking the bottle had reverted to its previous, pristine state.

In sheer disbelief, the man opened the door only to see the same bottle of wine where it was in the refrigerator… and that his hand was not holding anything.

Turning to the cabinet where he stored all the clocks he made, he flung the door open, only to gasp as to see it completely empty.

With his mind close to unraveling completely, the man named Adam Jensen bolted to the living room, fumbled for the remote control, and pushed the button on his television.

* * *

><p>"I expect you to be able to take care of yourself, Naruto-kun," a smiling old man with white robes and hat said as he handed a set of keys to the viewpoint character, and Adam thought back to one of the films he and Megan enjoyed.<p>

_It's called a changeover. Movie keeps right on going, and no one in the audience has any idea._

_This isn't any of the movies I've watched,_ Adam thought. _I think I'll continue to see this._

* * *

><p>"Okay," Adam said after taking a calming draught of bourbon and a hit of his cigarette, "time to take account of my current situation. First, I appear to be locked in my apartment; any attempt to escape will result in immediate – and painful – electrocution. Second, some sort of science-fiction temporal paradox is making sure I have clocks to make, cigarettes to smoke, bourbon to drink, plus food, running water, electricity… and it somehow maintains the condition of my apartment, repairing any damage I make to it. Lastly, the only thing that seems to work right is the television, but every time I turn it on, it's some sort of first-person account of a kid's life… a serial."<p>

He took a deep breath and started to think.

"I think I might be trapped somewhere," he decided. "Until I find out more, I'm going to wait for something to change."

And then he sighed.

"Looks like I have to watch this boring old serial about this kid again," Adam finally declared, "thankfully, they didn't touch my movies. I can always watch them if this kid's life story gets too damn depressing. He didn't ask for any of this, either."

And so, Adam Jensen watched – and waited.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, in the Village Hidden in the Leaves, another boy was also watching – and waiting.<p>

Today was the tenth of October, and despite today being his birthday, the first time he went out and tried to celebrate it, some of the more drunken townsfolk actually sought him out, trying to burn his apartment building down before the (super-COOL!) ANBU decided to intervene.

He thought to go out and ask what in the Sage of Six Paths were their problems with him, but ever since seeing the (again, way cool) ANBU take out the first would-be attacker with what the Academy called taijutsu, he got the memo quickly and stayed out of sight for the rest of the day.

The glares had hurt him deeply, though he did not yet understand how deep or even why they did it; all he knew was that as long as the people of Konoha didn't see him – Uzumaki Naruto – they wouldn't level those glares at him.

However, it had gotten to the point where he had to ask for a place of his own; he just had to get away from the orphanage and the people in it, so much so that he almost broke down in relief after the Old Man Hokage granted his request.

He turned away from the window for a moment and towards his apartment's living room table, where a steaming cup of ramen was waiting for him. However, before partaking of the noodle treat, he ambled towards the refrigerator, opened the door…

…and sighed as he felt the last bits of cold from the freezer ice melting exit the refrigerator in a resigned mist. Figures they'd cut off the water, the electricity… who knew what other petty indignity the people of Konoha would heap on him for reasons he had yet to figure out?

It was thanks to the Hokage finally relenting and teaching the boy a basic jutsu to warm water up that he was able to get his cup of instant ramen going; better eat it before it's cold, Naruto mused before picking up his favorite set of porcelain chopsticks (a housewarming gift from an unknown party) and digging in.

_I've dealt with the orphanage, and this is nothing compared to that,_ Naruto told himself. His resolve to become Hokage and be recognized as a person of some worth solidified as he took in the fragrant noodles and pleasantly-flavored broth.

_I can deal with this, and then it's back to the Academy tomorrow._

* * *

><p>A disgruntled Adam Jensen had had enough for a day and turned off the television, turning to where his collection of film discs were kept, intending to watch something different from the same old serial he tuned into day by day, also known as the life and trials of Uzumaki Naruto.<p>

"Hard-Boiled, seen this a hundred times, Die Hard, A Better Tomorrow, Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter…" he enumerated as he combed through his movie collection, "ah. This one I haven't watched in a while: The Story of Ricky."

Readying himself for another ninety minutes of hilarity, the augmented agent placed the disc on the player, opened his television, and grabbed some popcorn from the pantry to microwave.

A part of him had already become resigned to the fact that he might be confined for a large period of time, and would enjoy his incarceration through whatever means he could.

However, before the scene where one of the bad guys committed ritual suicide and used his own guts to try and strangle the hero, something called a chance encounter happened, sending the past and future of the world into a head-on collision…

* * *

><p>"So today, class, we shall be taking up meditation. Most of you may not be able to use chakra yet, but meditation will help you get a feel for it and familiarize yourself with it," the teacher said, and Naruto – though at the end of the class – wrote copious notes about it.<p>

Since he saw the ANBU's power and the respect everyone had for Old Man Hokage, Naruto's life dream crystallized into being. He wanted power, respect, recognition… and he'd get it when he became Hokage – the ninja leader of the Village Hidden in the Leaves.

And since to be a leader of ninja, you had to be one, Naruto brought himself to take his study in Konoha's Ninja Academy seriously. He hadn't yet stumbled onto the fact that even his instructors looked upon him with disfavor for – once more – reasons he had yet to find out, and thus his drive for knowledge hadn't taken a serious dent… yet.

Right after the instructor's droning tone finished, his assistant immediately stepped in, asking everyone in the class to begin meditation.

Every student had moved the Academy seats to the side, allowing them to sit in lotus position and thus be in the most optimal stance to tap into their chakra. As soon as the assistant said "begin", every student closed their eyes and began focusing on their breathing.

In a different universe altogether, Naruto's meditation would lead him nowhere.

However, here, as soon as he began looking inward for the feeling of chakra, the boy felt an undercurrent of _something_ flowing within him, latched onto it, and when his eyes opened, Uzumaki Naruto found himself in yet another apartment building.

And looking incredulously at him was a man wearing a black trench coat and sunglasses.

* * *

><p>Adam Jensen could not believe it. One moment, he was watching Ricky punch through a prison guard, next, a boy with blond hair and blue eyes appeared in front of him.<p>

A very familiar boy… the boy who was the star of the new show on television.

"Naruto, huh?" he asked. "Naruto Uzumaki?"

Naruto stood up warily and considered the stranger before him. While he did carry himself like a ninja, his outfit screamed different even more than the orange shirts he'd gotten around to wearing. Dark everywhere; even the (super-cool) ANBU didn't wear this much black. And those sunglasses – it was the first time he'd ever seen sunglasses that didn't have any rims.

"Who are you?" he asked carefully, and he couldn't help but notice the quickly-squashed feeling of surprise of the man in glasses.

"Adam Jensen," the man replied, and Naruto found himself confused. "The question is, why are you in my apartment?"

"Your apartment?" Naruto asked, beginning to take into account his surroundings. He'd never seen a place like that in his life, and everything looked so... so strange. "I was meditating... so how did I get here? Did I imagine it?"

"No," Adam replied, "you most certainly did not imagine it. And if you somehow ended up here… how the hell do I get out?"

He made to approach the boy to maybe give him a fright, but as soon as he took one step, the apartment rocked as if an earthquake was assailing it.

When he swung his eyes back to where the boy was, Adam Jensen was staring at nothing but empty space.

* * *

><p>After an hour of pacing around the apartment, he finally decided to put his thoughts down to paper and maybe start deciphering the puzzle in front of him as to his condition.<p>

"All right. First thing I need to do is write what I know. One, I'm at my apartment. Two, I cannot leave my apartment. Three, the only show on the television is the life of Naruto Uzumaki, someone who has appeared here out of nowhere. Wait."

He went to the television, and opened to where Naruto was being berated by his Academy instructors for releasing a lot of chakra when he finally tapped onto his chakra for the very first time. Adam had to grunt at how biased the instructors were – out of the corner of Naruto's eye, he could see the same instructors shower praise to some other student. Discarding the event aside, he focused on the show.

By the first hour, Adam already had his suspicions, and when the second hour of the life of Naruto passed, he was quite sure that the show on his TV wasn't a show, but rather looking through the eyes of Naruto Uzumaki himself.

There were no commercials during the two hours of his watching the life and times of one Naruto Uzumaki... none whatsoever.

Taking into account of the fact that Naruto showed up when he meditated, Adam's thoughts began to take a much darker turn when he began to consider the possibility that he was somehow trapped within the boy.

A sudden wave of nausea swept over him, and he couldn't help but turn off the television and head to bed in his weakened state. Tomorrow would be another day.

* * *

><p>Eyes open.<p>

Muscles tense and relax at the lack of covert or overt threats in the vicinity.

Activate all passive augmentations.

Get up and go to the bathroom.

Start the day, open the TV, see Naruto's life...

...and freak out.

"What the hell?" Adam asked as he saw something right out of the Blair Witch Project on the screen. Paper lanterns whizzed past his eyes as his point of view surged haphazardly forward.

"_Where is that thing?" _an angry voice cried from close by.

Adam's eyebrows quirked upon hearing it, and wondered as he heard Naruto's panicked breaths as he took shelter under a few crates.

"Just stay there, kid. Stay quiet. Don't panic. How close are you to home?" Adam asked to no one in particular, not even noticing that his augmentations were already active.

"Mr. Jensen?" a panicked voice came from the screen.

"You can hear me?" Adam asked, hope soaring as he yet looked at the screen.

"I can," Naruto whispered back. "It's… Teuchi-jiji and Ayame-nee-chan gave me a birthday meal, but I took too long and now some of them are after me, and the ANBU aren't here yet…"

"Calm down," Adam replied, "and tell me if you recognize any buildings. Stay out of sight when you try and look."

"Okay," Naruto said, and after taking a second or three to poke his head out and look at where the buildings were, found that he was in the building next door to his apartment.

"I'm close to home," Naruto replied. "I just need to get there before they do."

"All right," Adam said. "Take to the shadows of the building and walk – don't run – to your apartment. Slow and steady."

The augmented man nodded as he saw Naruto follow his advice, walking at a slow and steady pace from the alley to the door, minimizing his presence and keeping the lowest profile possible.

"Slow and steady, that's it. You're almost there. Easy steps," Adam continued, allowing a small grin to bloom on his face as he saw the kid follow his advice word for word. "All right. Now open that door..."

Both Naruto and Jensen let out sighs of relief when they finally made it to the apartment frightened, but unharmed.

"This happen all the time?" Adam asked as soon as Naruto was enjoying a cup of instant ramen.

"Uh-huh!" Naruto said after a slurp of instant ramen. "I guess my birthday isn't such a good day for me."

The boy quickly stood up. "Did you hear that? I didn't actually say it."

"Oh, I did," Adam replied, "loud and clear. I guess that means we can communicate now without you dropping by here."

"Yeah," Naruto said, scratching his head before taking another bite of his reward from another birthday close call. "That's pretty cool, you know, Mr. Jensen."

"What was?" Adam asked.

"How you got me home. I was just, uh, about to run. You're like one of those ANBU."

"ANBU...?" Adam asked.

"Yeah, they're these ninja with masks. Way cool." Naruto pointed outside the window towards a ninja wearing a dog mask, and waved towards him.

An awkward wave from the ninja met him before the sentinel vanished in a swirl of leaves.

"Cool, huh, Mr. Jensen?"

"Yes..." Adam replied, momentarily shaken from his thoughts. "Very cool indeed."

* * *

><p>Adam Jensen was currently seated on his bed and thinking.<p>

"Okay, let's recap. I see what Naruto sees on the television, the computer on my desk is somewhat not working that well, my recipe book seems to have been updated with the ramen from Ichiraku's or whatever Naruto calls it, and my pantry has one whole shelf with nothing but variants of instant ramen. I think this seal is letting me experience the world through Naruto... but if I'm in him, where am I in him?"

He stood up and went to the door, probing it with a practiced hand enough that the defenses would not trigger. As his eyes swung back to the open television, he saw Naruto at the Academy, putting his hands together and trying out what the instructors called a jutsu.

When the boy began to draw on what he called chakra, a sudden glow emanating from the door had Adam turning his head back towards it.

His eyebrows raised past his implanted sunglasses as he saw a complex sigil begin to write itself on the door, and it was at that point where he knew that he had just become part of something larger than himself… again.

As he was so into the moment of understanding, he failed to see a small flash of yellow in the corner of his room.


End file.
